Green Day
by SpeakingThroughWrittenWords
Summary: Dib finally snaps, with some help from the world. Where exactly does one belong when they have destroyed everywhere where they don't? Epilogue.
1. American Idiot

**"American Idiot"**

**-**

_Don't want to be an American idiot.  
Don't want a nation under the new media  
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?  
The subliminal mind fuck America._

-

Dib stared down at the street beneath him. How could he have been so blind? These people didn't want his help, never had, never would. He still would save them though. He had promised himself that a long time ago.

"Are you going to help or not?" Gaz yelled up at him. His sister had grown, thinking little about anyone else and mostly about herself still, but that made her realize she had to do things for others to get what she wanted at time. She didn't seem to care about the world's danger either.

"In a bit!" he shouted down, still staring at all of the people and cars below. All of the noise created below wafted up quickly and even could be heard through the thick glass. He did not want to be anything like them, but it didn't mean he didn't want to help them. If just to prove himself.

-

_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

-

_What is Zim doing?_ Dib wondered, though he wondered why he bothered to spend so much thought on it. After Zim's leaders had banished him to earth, they had become some sort of a pair, if you could even call them friends. There was no one else he could call a friend; but then again, Zim was to bored to keep still and every once in a while tried to take over earth for no reason. Zim told him once he had to keep his Invader skills at top notch. Being an Invader was his excuse for everything. But even before Zim stopped taking over earth seriously, he had too much in his way to do more then just delay the inevitable. The protection of earth was just a dream, just out of his grasp. _It isn't fair, but then again, what is?_

"Never mind, we'll come back tomorrow," Gaz came up to the attic of the store they were helping clean out. "With you daydreaming all the time, I'm doing all the work. If I'm doing all the work, I'm getting paid for all of it, got it?"

Dib turned towards her. "Okay Gaz, you get all of the money."

"That's a quick way to give up," she smirked.

"I'm leaving and not going home."

"Not home?" she questioned, though all she did was turn on her Game Slave. "After to Zim's house, right?" Dib refrained a sigh. She didn't seem to think anything was different then before.

"No."

She looked up and eyed him. "Then where?"

"I don't know," he shook his head. He headed for the door, grabbing his jacket. "But I need something to happen. It's not at home. I'm tired of going through the same motions over and over."

"So am I and you don't see me running away," Gaz looked at him strangely.

"I won't give up. Not now. I feel like this is the right direction. See ya, Gaz," and he left her, just watching his retreating back.

-  
_Well maybe I'm the faggot America.  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.  
Now everybody do the propaganda.  
And sing along to the age of paranoia._  
-

--One Week Later--

"Watch it kid!" Dib was shoved into a wall, again. Dib kept himself from retorting, as he felt like doing so often. He had not been gone that long! How could this be wearing on him already? The city rumbled with its noise, screaming in actual silence. Any sound heard meant nothing and the things meant to say were kept hidden. It didn't take Dib that long to figure that out, though it seemed as if he was the only one who had.

"Does one have to go into politics to get what they want across?" he muttered under his breath, lighting a cigarette. Gaz had tried to threaten him into quitting, but as she wasn't around Dib didn't have to worry anymore. He ducked into another alleyway to hide from the scientist that was walking down the street, apparently looking for something. Dib figured Gaz would stay quiet, waiting for him to decide to come home, but sooner or later his father would realize that he was gone and would search for him. Dib really didn't want to be found.

He had known people to be this way, but only now could it hit home. That did not weaken his resolve however. It actually made it stronger then it had been before.

-

_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

-

"Life being hell?" asked a man who was also in the alley way.

"Tell me about it," Dib sighed, sliding down against the wall. "I didn't think that I would be doing that bad out here by myself."

"Runaway, huh?" the man laughed, scratching his messy dark brown hair. "Been there, friend. Everyone thinks that when they first go out, for good reason or no. But it's always the weak ones who run back home."

"I'm not running anywhere," Dib told him, "I'll find my own way around here. Wait a sec- why are you the first person to be anywhere close to kind to me, when I've seen so many people in the past week that I both know and don't?"

"Probably didn't think a poorer person would, right?" he laughed. "Apparently when you're poor, you've done something wrong. I understand what you're going through, though most likely not the same situation. No one goes through the same situation. But there is a certain point in life where your troubles can't be solved by parents, friends, or siblings, and you go off to figure it out yourself."

"They even get in the way," Dib agreed, looking up at the other. "They were stopping me from what I was trying to do... and now from what I need to do."

"And what was that?" the alley man pulled something out of his pocket and put it in a pipe.

"I'm not exactly sure," Dib sighed again. "I thought I was doing it for one thing, but it doesn't seem to be that important in the long run, though I know it should. I think I'm doing this more for me then the world, as I thought I was in the first place."

-  
_Don't want to be an American idiot.  
One nation controlled by the media.  
Information age of hysteria.  
It's calling out to idiot America._  
-

"Finding out you're self centered," he laughed again. Dib glared at him, figuring that this guy really didn't understand like he thought he did. "Don't worry. There is a point in life where you think you are doing something for someone else and you find out you're only doing this for yourself. Not a huge problem."

"Except if you're my sister," Dib snorted. "Maybe someday she'll wake up and find out that she's doing something for someone else, other than herself. That would be worth watching, but highly improbable."

"Nothing is impossible though," the man leaned over him and handed him the pipe. "If you think about it hard enough and not with all of those restrictions that life puts on it. Just think with the clear mind." He gestured to the sack and the pipe and left. "Especially if you don't want to be like everyone else."

-  
_Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue._

-

"I don't want to be like anyone else," Dib looked over the pipe. "I'm not an idiot."

Alien's wouldn't rule, they would be noticed. He would be understood, respected for who he was. His dream was not unreachable.

Dib inhaled.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_This one wasn't very good, but it had to set up the next twelve chapters, so even if you hated this one, _please _at least read the next. It goes in the order of the Green Day album "American Idiot" so if you want to know what the next chapter is called, look at your CD. After that, you'll realize that the next chapter is going to be really long._


	2. Jesus of Surburbia

**"Jesus Of Suburbia"**

**-**

**_Part 1_**  
_I'm the son of rage and love  
The Jesus of Suburbia  
From the bible of none of the above_  
-  
--One Month Later--

He was the only one who could do it, Dib wandered the streets before coming across the idea, finally realizing it under the glow of the moon surrounded in smog. If he couldn't help these people from themselves, he shouldn't have even tried saving them from an alien. _But how could one make these hopeless people believe in something that they lied to themselves about?_ He had to start somewhere.

"Do you ever wonder why you're here?"

The women sighed, looking over at him. "Not another one..."

Dib blinked. "Another what?"

"Look," she shifted from her spot on the bus bench. "When you kill yourself, don't make a huge production out of it."

"I'm not going to kill myself," Dib laughed. "You just don't understand how life works."

"I understand what I come in contact with," she sneered. "You understand the part in the dirt, cause you haven't tried hard enough."

"I'm trying in my own, which requires this dirt," Dib frowned.

"Right," she started to get on the bus. Then she stopped. "The answer is yes."

"Yes?"

"To your question. I do wonder why I'm here," she turned to look at him from the door. "But that's what my bible is for. Don't try to be Jesus or something." The door slid between them, the bus leaving Dib to think over the words.

_-  
On a steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin  
No one ever died for my sins in hell  
As far as I can tell  
At least the ones I got away with  
-_

"Bible," snorted Dib, later. He finished his dinner, a can of cola, and paced in the main square where he had been watching. _She was crazy_, Dib figured. There could be a god, but he had by now long forgot about them. If he hadn't, the world wouldn't be as fucked up as it was.

"Do you believe in God?" he asked the next person who walked by the fountain.

That person just looked at him strangely as he walked by.

Dib bit his lip in frustration. Didn't these people realize he was trying to save them? If Jesus did exist, did he get irritated when the people didn't believe in him?

"Do you believe in God?"

"What else is there to believe in?" the man that was walking by laughed. "Until there is, most people believe in him without even meaning to."

_-  
And there's nothing wrong with me  
This is how I'm supposed to be  
In a land of make believe  
That don't believe in me_

_-_

"Ever wonder why you're doing this?"

The man set down his heavy load and wiped sweat off of his brow. "Sure. But then I remember I have a wife and kids who need to eat and have a house to live in. Nothing could beat that reason."

"But ever wonder why there has to be money?"

The man stared at him incredulously. "The world would be mad without it."

"Not if it never existed," Dib informed him. "The world survived long before there was money, with a better system of foraging for yourself. Wouldn't that be easier on your family?"

"No," the man said simply, picking up his load again and continuing to work.

_Why won't they believe what I'm saying?_ Dib screamed in his head. It all made perfect sense to him, most things did since that first man in the alleyway spoke with him. Why couldn't they get it too?

_-  
Get my television fix sitting on my crucifix  
The living room or my private womb  
While the moms and brads are away_

_-_

He turned on the television, flipping past the channel that listed missing persons. His father had finally started looking for him. It would be hard to stay out of sight from his people, but he had to try. He couldn't go back home yet, he still had stuff that he had to do.

He had been watching an awful lot of television lately, he noticed. He didn't even watch Mysterious Mysteries, he just would flip it on to a random channel and watch it. By now it was an excuse to not have to see the other people going by with their own business below.

_-  
To fall in love and fall in debt  
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane  
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine_

_-_

_At least Dad is rich,_ Dib thought, _and that he never checks his bills himself._ It was his way of living at all in the outside without worrying all that much. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it just as the doorbell rang.

Cautiously, he went over and looked through the peep hole.

"It's just me!" Gretchen smiled. After she had gotten her braces removed, she was actually pretty cute. Dib had barely noticed her in class, shyly sitting in the back. She was different now, now that there was no one around, now that no one could laugh at her for helping him. Dib couldn't really blame her for not wanting to be shunned like he was, so he didn't mind that she came to visit him once she found out where he was.

Dib quickly put out the cigarette before she saw it. Gretchen scolded him on it and he didn't want to listen to a lecture today.

"How are you doing?" she asked, putting her hands behind her back. Dib would have had to of been a complete idiot to not know she had a crush on him, but as he felt nothing of the same he didn't pretend to notice. As much as they were only acquaintances, he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"I have a bit of a headache," he informed her. She would offer to help and then when he said no she would leave. She was a bit predictable in all situations.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" she said, true to his predictions.

"No thanks, Gretchen," he shrugged. "I took something for it, so I was just going to lie down."

"I'll see you later this week then," she suggested.

"Course," he replied. "Thanks Gretchen." _For being consistent, I guess._

_-  
And there's nothing wrong with me  
This is how I'm supposed to be  
In a land of make believe  
That don't believe in me_

_-_

He sighed as she left. Sometimes he wanted no one and other times he wished that he hadn't sent her away. It wasn't as he would ever know what friendship or companionship was if he kept up at the rate he was going. Dib pulled out the white bag. He could never really seem to sort things out without it, but why exactly that was he didn't know. He inhaled in straight, finding it easier then the pipe. His problems didn't seem to matter then. The whole experience was better then air. But when he fell asleep the demons would come.

_-  
**Part 2: City Of The Damned**  
At the center of the Earth  
In the parking lot  
Of the 7-11 where I was taught  
The motto was just a lie_

_-_

"You think we just need to understand?" the woman laughed. She was dirty, but it seemed as if that was as clean as she normally got. "You don't seem to understand life very well, kid."

"What do you mean?" Dib asked, shocked. Despite the fact he had no idea of what she was saying, she seemed to make more since then anyone else he had spoken to in the past month.

"Guess where I was raised," she told him, taking his arm and leading him through the alley streets.

"How am I supposed to do that?" he snorted. "You could have been born anywhere and came here illegally for all I know."

"You think too much," she laughed again. "If you didn't think too much you would see life as much easier. That's why they say genius is the closest to insanity. I was born in this same city. I live in the same place I was born." She lead him past a 7-11 and through a hole in the wall. "Down there, go left and take the third hole on the left. That's where I live."

_-_

_It says home is where your heart is  
But what a shame  
Cause everyone's heart  
Doesn't beat the same  
It's beating out of time_

_-_

Dib blinked and looked at all of the other people sitting and walking by. "But... there isn't anything here!"

"That's it," the woman sighed. "We understand, alright. But we can't do anything about it. I never got to school, my momma couldn't afford it. She taught me what she knew in the parking lot or in our small place in here. How old do you think I am?"

"I... uh..." Dib looked nervously at the seeming to be forty year old.

"Twenty eight," she told him. "My life was ruined because no one would help. I tried, but soon enough I didn't try anymore. My mother died at the age of forty two, looking like a grandmother. And the only children I have are the ones I take care of here if I have extra money or food, which is almost never. I've been raped and the child of that wondrous union died while only a few days old. Take a good look before you try to explain your views to us."

_-  
City of the dead  
At the end of another lost highway  
Signs misleading to nowhere  
City of the damned  
Lost children with dirty faces today  
No one really seems to care_

_-_

She left him there, staring at his surroundings. Dib felt guilty for staying in the hotel he was at, as horrible as it was, for these people had less.

"Do you 'ave any food, misser?" asked a small girl, about six years old. Her English was slurred, but clear enough for Dib to understand her.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I don't have anything."

"T'ank you," she bowed her head sadly. Dib could barely stand that this was happening in the same city where his father came up with inventions and cures everyday to make life better for people. It was only the rich people, or the people born with anything. The homeless people were supposed to be miles away, not in the same life as where he could of actually have been doing something about it.

"If you stay here though," he told her, "I'll go and get you something."

The girl smiled, one of her baby teeth rotting. "Really?"

"I'll be right back," he promised her and headed back for the 7-11.

_-  
I read the graffiti  
In the bathroom stall  
Like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall  
And so it seemed to confess_

_-_

_I never even thought this was happening here,_ Dib thought, going into the bathroom in the 7-11. It had been freshly painted, over pen marks and water stains. They only ever did that when the walls got really bad though, not before hand when many things could have been prevented. Just like the children out under the city in the back.

"It's kinda like a blog for people with no computers," Dib murmured.

_-  
It didn't say much  
But it only confirmed that  
The center of the earth  
Is the end of the world  
And I could really care less_

_-_

He spent some time reading the things on the wall. None of it made any since, for one rant would skewer into another persons and become lost in the ink or lead. None of the legible stuff actually said anything important, just like the writing on the school bathrooms. Just cussing out the world and life in general. Dib felt a void grow in him. These people were worse off and yet were just saying the same things that someone who had a home did. It was no different.

Dib left the bathroom and finally chose some food that he thought that rotten baby teeth could handle. The clerk there who sold it to him didn't seem to have any idea that there were people living right behind his work.

"How long have you worked here?" Dib asked, casually as the man bagged up the food.

"Ten long years," he sighed. "And nothing ever changes."

_-  
City of the dead  
At the end of another lost highway  
Signs misleading to nowhere  
City of the damned  
Lost children with dirty faces today  
No one really seems to careeeeee_

_-_

Dib entered the dirty cement hotel (as it pretty much was, free of charge) and went to where he had left the girl. He didn't feel the horror or sickening feeling like he did the first time he had looked at this place. The fact it shouldn't be here was still eating away at him, but the fact that the people were looking at him only unnerved him, the fact he didn't belong here. Always to be an outsider.

"Here you go," he handed the bag over to her, watching her face light up with happiness. She couldn't even say anything, as she was already opening it to stuff her face. Dib turned and left, not really expecting any words.

As soon as he stepped out of the overhang and into the light he heard a fight go on behind him. Turning quickly, a group of boys ran past, one up ahead with the bag. They were all splattered with blood. It hadn't come from any of them.

_-  
Part 3: I don't care  
I don't care if you don't I don't care if you don't  
I don't care if you don't care_

_-_

_Does anyone care? Did it really matter? Was it right to intervene when that was the outcome? How could they do that- when they understood the same position as she? Was death worth some food? Children of six can kill? Why? How?_

_I caused it._

Dib just lied there on his makeshift bed, on the couch. He had had trouble sleeping before, but it had never come to this. He hadn't bothered to turn on the lights when he got back, so when Gretchen had come to see how he was doing and he hadn't answered, she thought he wasn't there.

_-  
I don't careeeeeeeeee_

_-_

"If that's life, why does it matter in the first place?" Dib asked his ceiling. It didn't answer, which normally would be a good thing except Dib knew that the ceiling could answer and he wanted it to. Something had to respond. Was there an answer?

"It would be better not to care in the first place," Dib stated to the ceiling. "Then you couldn't really hurt anyone in the first place. But if I didn't care, why would I be not caring to not hurt anyone?"

Was he any different from the majority? Was he? Was there a point to it?

_-  
Everyone is so full of shit----Born and raised by hypocrites  
Hearts recycled but never saved----From the cradle to the grave  
We are the kids of war and peace----From Anaheim to the middle east  
We are the stories and disciples----Of the Jesus of suburbia  
Land of make believe----And it don't believe in me  
Land of make believe----And I don't believe  
And I don't care!_

_-_

"It doesn't matter," Dib bellowed at the ceiling, just as the door was knocked on. Dib glared at the door, going to shout at it for daring to make that much noise when his head hurt. _Is everyone the same? Am I just like them? I am. If they were there, they would have done the same thing. I am the same as them, the idiots that they are. That means I am an idiot too._

The door was banged on again. Dib went over to shout and tell the door to shut up when it opened by itself. Actually, someone helped it open. _The door wasn't making that racket after all_, Dib managed through his muddled head. Anyone would be making a loud noise if someone repeatedly hit them with their fist.

"Go away," Dib waved his hand towards the door, turning away from the person who had just entered.

_-_

_**Part 4: Dearly beloved**  
Dearly beloved are you listening?  
I can't remember a word that you were saying  
Are we demented or am I disturbed?  
The space that's in between insane and insecure_

_-_

"When did I ever listen to you, Dib-stink?" Zim scoffed at him. Dib blearily looked over the green alien and then just lied back down on the couch.

"Why are you here, Zim?" Dib muttered, his arm covering his eyes. He did not feeling like bringing his voice above much then just a croak. Anyway, he knew Zim had good hearing, it was just what he decided to listen to was the problem.

"Because your father came to me and asked where you were!" exclaimed the alien. "Like I'd know where you were! And you hadn't come to annoy me for a while, so I thought you were up to something!"

Dib stayed quiet, trying to sort out the words that entered his head, only to have them more jumbled the before. "So?"

Zim stopped pacing, obviously confused at Dib's behavior, but as Dib wasn't looking he couldn't tell what the alien was doing at all. "So! What is wrong with you Dib? This just isn't like you at all! And Irkens don't like not understanding something!"

"Nothing's wrong," Dib managed. "I just wanted to get away from home for a bit. Don't tell Dad where I am, okay?"

"You look terrible," Zim frowned. "I think that I should. Something is wrong Dib, and you are not telling Zim! Now, begin your telling!"

_-  
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?  
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed  
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused  
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse_

_-_

"Tell you what? The horrible side of life?" Dib laughed, his voice cracking in his throat. It hurt, but he wasn't going to show even pain for the smallest thing in front of Zim. "I think you had that figured out long before I did Zim."

"Heh?" Zim rose an invisible eyebrow, still confused.

"We could have been friends, you know," Dib slurred through his words, "If you weren't trying to take over earth. And if you stupid Irkens accepted such things."

"Dib-stink," Zim sounded nervous, but Dib was getting a major headache and stood up.

"Go away Zim," he pushed the Irken towards the door. "I don't wanna listen right now."

"You're not listening!" hollered Zim. "What is-" Dib shut the door. The door made another groan and Dib knew that it was going to give him another lecture about being careful about shutting doors.

"I don't see you shutting yourself!" he snapped at the dirty white framed wood before heading back and collapsing on the couch.

_-  
**Part 5: Tales of another broken home**  
To live and not to breathe  
Is to die In tragedy  
To run, to run away  
To find what you believe  
And I leave behind  
This hurricane of fucking lies  
I lost my faith to this  
This town that don't exist_

_-_

"Dib?" Gretchen questioned the open door. The room was trashed, the furniture overturned and the bedding strewn all over the floor. She walked throughout the small apartment, searching. His clothes were gone, which meant he wasn't coming back. She had known that he was stretching thin, but she hadn't known how close he was to breaking. She went back out to the couch, picking up the cigarette case from the pillows.

"I could help," she muttered to the pack. "If he'd help me." She was sweet, especially to Dib, but that wasn't going to stop her from putting a stop to where she knew something was wrong. Gretchen pocketed the pack and left out the door, gripping her light green jacket around her. He couldn't do this by himself. _And this time, I would do what I can to help him, no matter what._

_-  
So I run  
I run away  
To the light of masochist  
And I leave behind  
This hurricane of fucking lies  
And I walked this line  
A million and one fucking times  
But not this time_

_-_

"He does not tell Zim what to do!" Zim grumbled, looking out from under the bus stop overhang at the dark sky. The rain showed no sign of stopping and Zim knew better then to ask Gir to come and pick him up. He'd probably die faster that way.

_There is something definitely wrong with the Dib-worm, _Zim attempted to take his mind off of the problem at hand. _And not anything like how he acted when he was trying out that "real science"! He seems to actually be snapping, as crazy as our classmates say he always is._ That thought disturbed him greatly, his greatest rival being defeated, not by Zim, but by his own mind.

"Nonsense," Zim hissed under his breath. "I will change that, no one but Zim has the right to destroy the Dib, not even himself!" _I will save you Dib. You said we needn't be enemies._

_-  
I don't feel any shame I won't apologize  
When there ain't nowhere you can go  
Running away from pain When you've been victimized  
Tales from another broken home_

_-_

_No, none of you deserve this, _he thought as he watched over the city. The lights were on, making it as bright as day for the streets, but above it was pitch black as the rain poured down over it. _None of you deserve to suffer or gain from this pitiful life. Wouldn't it be much better if you hadn't had to deal with it? Better now, what if you had to deal with it no longer?_

He stepped down the street, no longer afraid of his surroundings, the people, the creatures, the machines, the buildings, it all would not exist in a bit. The only thing left to come and leave as it wished would be the rain. The rain would wash away the horror that this city had inflicted on itself.

Dib laughed to the heavens.

_Now I have found a way to save you all._

_-  
You're leaving...  
You're leaving...  
You're leaving...  
Ah you're leaving home..._


	3. Holiday

**"Holiday"**

**-**

_Say, Hey!_

-

Morning crept up on the city very slowly. The sunlight made large shadows with the skyscrapers and tall business buildings. It was all in all a slow morning, for it being a Sunday most were sleeping in and staying home, waiting 'til the last possible second to get up, maybe for the parade later in the day for labor day. But enough people were up to make the early business morning as it always was for a Sunday. Those who tried to take advantage of the ones who went out on pleasure trips had their wares out for sale, waiting for the perfect group to come by who would see what they wanted to buy. Families took their children out to the park, pool, zoo, mall, other friend's houses, the movies, anywhere that was possible on that day. There were even those lucky ones who got to leave the city, on new explorations, going to tell their friends when they got back all of the cool things that they got to do away from home. All in all it was a normal day.

What they didn't know was that there wasn't going to be much to come back to.

-  
_Hear the sound of the falling rain  
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)  
The shame  
The ones who died without a name_  
-

The first explosion went off at noon, causing the rain an invisible shield around the area where the explosion was. Dib wondered how no one had seen it, as he had noticed it himself in plain view. He had seen it easily slid in and stayed quiet as the one who set it walked away. The fire simply consumed those around it, those whom Dib did not even know. He knew that several of them would not be missed, no one would care that they died, while others would be mourned by many. All in all, that reasoning was not fair. But that is why Dib set up the bomb where he did, so when people would say in the future that they cried for the dead, those who had no one notice them in life would have hundreds crying for them in death. He figured it was a fair trade.

-  
_Hear the dogs howling out of key  
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)  
And bleed, the company lost the war today_  
-

He had gotten the explosives from his father's lab. He had gone in, wearing his trademark jacket and waited for one of his father's co-workers to notice him. They went through the whole spiel about that his father was worried about him. Dib could have laughed. He knew better then to ever hope that his father was ever worried about him and no one could try to make him think differently. No one knew his father like he did. Or, not know a father.

Dib barely fumbled, coming up with the fact he was going home. The scientist believed him, _the gullible fool!_, and let him go in. His father was not in today. He was at home. The only time he was at home and it was when Dib was gone. He felt a hatred rise up within himself, but he was not going to let that knowledge distract him.

Dib searched throughout the entire lab for all what he knew that he would need. He had never known how much dangerous equipment his father had worked with on a daily basis. Nothing here was even safe, Dib was doing his father a favor by taking this stuff away from him.

"Dib?"

-  
_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday_  
-

"Hey, Gaz," Dib acknowledged her presence though he did not turn to greet her. "What are you doing here?"

"Dad wanted me to pick up a few things," she said, not moving from her place in the doorway. "What are you doing with those things?"

"Just a few things before I come home," he smiled at her, caressing an item he knew that Gaz had no clue of it's identity. "You'll be busy finding things, Gaz, so I'll see you when you come home." He walked out right by her, but she grabbed him by the arm.

"You are going home, right?" she questioned dangerously. "I think you should stay with me."

"I'll be home when I'm ready," he replied, yanking his arm out of her loose grip.

"I don't trust you," she turned to face him, her expression blank.

"That isn't new," he snorted as he left, his pockets heavy with the other objects he had grabbed, ones that Gaz would have known what they were, if she had seen them. If she wanted to lie to herself, that was her problem. He wasn't going that way anymore.

-  
_Hear the drum pounding out of time  
Another protester has crossed the line (Hey!)  
To find, the money's on the other side_  
-

The second explosion was triggered by the one in the business building near the mall. That was where the parade was taking place that day. Dib didn't see a reason why not to use a mass gathering for his advantage. To anyone else, all of this would have been hard to plan, a total of three months would have done it for them. Dib knew this place better, better then anyone. He lived in both positions, though the second not as long, and knew what was going on where. It would only take a total of seven bombs to level the city. Funny how the number so many people thought of as lucky would be the amount to destroy them.

Dib watched the screaming mass below him. He felt nothing as he watched them being torn into shreds. For a brief moment, he wondered why he was doing this. What reason did he think he had for choosing this path for so many people?

"They couldn't choose themselves," Dib muttered, lighting a cigarette. "They took to long. Life is on a timer, you know." The empty roof did not answer him. Dib frowned. Lately, the people who had suddenly chosen to talk to him so much were silent. His arms also shook from the excitement, though it could have just been signs that he needed to get off the roof. The next explosion would be closer to here and Dib needed to see the whole ordeal through.

"Why bother?" he asked himself. Suddenly, he really didn't care whether he saw the rest of it or not, all he wanted to do was stand there and watch the current chaos ensue below.

"Not now," the raven the had been sitting on the railing said. Dib blinked, wondering why the sudden loud noises hadn't scared the bird off.

"I wasn't talking to you," he grumbled, not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment.

"Who?" the Raven cocked its head.

"I don't have to listen to you," he snapped, leaving the Raven on the roof. The Raven's eyes followed his leaving form, much like her eyes once followed him as he left.

-  
_Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)  
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)  
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument_  
-

"The symbol of freedom," Dib murmured, staring up at the flag. The red white and blue wavered only a small bit, there being no wind in the current area to move it.

"DIB!" shouted a familiar voice from beyond the flag pole. The "human" walked over, seeming furious. "What are you doing? Don't you know what's going on? The Humans say it's a terrorist attack!"

"They do?" Dib asked Zim, pulling on the rope the held the flag in the air. He made the fabric go up and down, as if he were trying to catch it in a non-existent wind.

Zim nearly snapped himself. He came with the intention of -_helping!_- this ungrateful bastard, and Dib didn't seem to notice at all! Zim bit his lip, wanting to punch the other, but knowing that that wasn't going to help the problem. _It's not fair! He's mine to destroy! So what if the Tallest don't want this planet? I don't want anything to do with it! I just want to destroy whom has caused Zim his pain, and do it by myself! I don't want anyone else doing it for me!_

"Yes," he hissed. "Yes they do. Dib-beast, you need to get out of here. My sensors say that the next bomb to go off is close to this area. I don't think I have enough time to unhook the wires!"

"Isn't it funny though?" Dib asked him, turning to face the Irken, the flag now hanging right over their heads. "He's doing exactly what you've never been able to do throughout your five years of being here. Don't you find that ironic? A human can destroy the humans without much effort, but an alien trained to do this can't?"

"No I don't," Zim growled darkly, grabbing Dib by the left arm. Dib's face contorted into anger in only a few seconds, taking Zim by surprise.

"Don't touch me!" he shouted at the Irken, his right arm ripping down the flag and wrapping it around Zim, tying him to the cold metal pole. "I'm tired of playing your games, Zim."

Zim tried his hardest not to grimace, as his pak dug into his back with the hard surface behind him. He tried to get his mechanical legs out to release himself, but the thick material, meant to outlast all types of weather that Zim himself couldn't even last, bound him tightly.

"Doesn't look like freedom now, Zim, but soon, it will be. I wonder if heaven accepts other worldly creatures?"

"Dib-stink!" Zim hollered after his retreating back. "Come back here! Dib!"

"No Zim. I don't trust you."

"I never said I trusted you either, Human! I don't trust you!"

-  
_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday_  
-

"_I don't trust you..."_

"_You will not know the meaning of peace..."_

"_Always with the dead, that boy..."_

Dib ran from the area, hearing the explosion go off behind him. For another brief second, he wondered if Zim survived the blast. The thought was run out of his head as he came up to the labs again. No one would be there. He had programmed a small explosion to chase anyone in there out, unless they were really stupid of course and didn't leave. Either that or the were dead.

_What if this wasn't what would save them?_

Dib shook his head, entering through the hole in the wall. This would be the setting of the rest of their lives, he had to let them know why. Then, they would agree. They would finally understand and let go. Gaz would agree, she hated them. His father wouldn't, with all of his time spent helping humankind in general. But he just wasn't doing well enough to make progress.

-  
_(Hey!)  
(Say, Hey!)_  
-

The program was already set up. He had done that before Gaz had showed up. He knew that he would have to answer for what he had done-

_What exactly had he done?_

_-_but it didn't mean that anyone had to know that it was him. In fact, it would be better if they never knew that exact judgment had been exacted on them. If he had received his revenge-

_Revenge for what?_

-from them, they didn't need to know that. He wasn't doing this for the revenge. The people were just getting what they deserved. He out of every single person-

_Who was he?_

-should know how much they deserved it. He turned it on so that the remaining people could hear him.

-  
_"The representative from California has the floor"_

_Zieg Heil to the president gas man _

_Bombs away is your punishment _

_Pulverize the Eiffel towers _

_Who criticize your government _

_Bang bang goes the broken glass and _

_Kill all the fags that don't agree _

_Trials by fire, setting fire _

_Is not a way that's meant for me _

_Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah! _

-

"This is to the people, whether president or broke! This destruction is your punishment! For all of you who don't understand, criticize what you desperately need, but think you can do without! Like this city! I've heard you all complain about it! I'm breaking the glass that the window washers hated to have to keep clean, blow up the top of the building where the bosses grumble about their huge paychecks! Fire will absorb your entire lives, killing those who don't agree with the facts, that life isn't worth it! It doesn't matter if I'm to be thrown in jail for it, this just isn't meant for me!"

Dib paused, his announcement ringing throughout the streets. It wasn't meant for him. He didn't want this place to be on fire anymore. What was he doing?

He felt extremely tired and dizzy. His hands shaking far more then normal, he pulled out the white powder from his inside pocket. His head seemed to be screaming at him, but he couldn't make out what it was telling him. Barely thinking about it, Dib flipped the switch off as he leaned back against the wall. His legs were shooting pain down into his feet, but he chose to ignore it. He inhaled, his mind clearing almost instantly. He closed his eyes, letting relaxation sweep over him.

-  
_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives_  
-

He heard the beeping in the back of his mind. Dib opened one eye to the bomb in the corner.

_Oh yeah. I forgot I set it up to go off after I was done here._

Dib didn't move however, the whole concept of it destroying him lost in his foggy mind. Dib then blinked at the window as another bomb went off, shrieking countless lives with it. He staggered over, his legs still protesting.

_Why are things blowing up?_ Dib wondered, watching the city in it's ruined form.

_Who am I?_

-  
_This is our lives on holiday_

-

The beeping from the bomb stopped as if fulfilled it's requirements.


	4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"**  
-

--One Year Later--

-  
_I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone_  
-

He remembered being here before. He had wiped the dirt off of his face when he entered the alleyway, but the whole experience did not seem to be helping his condition any. If anything, all it did was smear the germs all over his face. He blinked, staring at the sign. A rasping laugh escaped his lips as he stared at the sign. _Of course. Every city has a 1st street that looks exactly like the last one._

Everything of his had been destroyed in the fire that had consumed his house, his skool, and his whole city that he had learned by memory. By the time he had been able to escape the explosion that nearly destroyed himself and ran home, the entire place was in shambles. Whether or not any person still inside was alive he never found out. He had searched throughout the ruins and hadn't found anything or anyone. With a mind clouded by the destruction surrounding him, he had gone to his enemy's house, not sure whether or not he had returned there, and whether or not he would be alive. Why it bothered him so, he could not tell for sure. All he knew was that he was stuck here forever.

On earth.

-  
_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone_  
-

Meanwhile, from his place on 1st street, Dib was thinking the same thing. In fact, it could have been Dib there in the first place, for he had thought that he had done the exact same thing. It was very confusing to him, the entirety of what had happened was neatly erased from his memory. His birthplace, his childhood home was destroyed. Dib had sworn vengeance against whoever it was who had killed all of those people (Zim being a first in his mind, who else would blow up an entire city?), but came to dead end after dead end of searches.

The sky was always dark nowadays. The little sleep Dib had managed to get was during the day, for somehow the light seemed to pierce his eyes and reflect off of his glasses, forcing him to see nothing. It never occurred to him that it might just be a trick of his mind, for it always seemed so real. That left him drifting from place to place, not even remembering the trip in between the two points.

"This really can't be a street, can it?" Dib questioned the sign, who sniffed and asked him why he thought so. "I never see any cars or people going down it. A street would have traffic and you are always empty. The entire city stays indoors, not even a light on inside their houses."

"You're just blind," the pole rang out, with a small bit of help from his prying fingertips.

-  
_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._  
-

"I see more clearly then most," he replied. 1st street did not respond and Dib didn't bother asking anything more. It had left, leaving behind it's shell of metal. No one was there anymore, they never were. Dib was used to it, he had been used to it- _when was that again? At that one place I used to go to constantly and was always teased?-_ back then, so now wasn't that much of a difference. There was a street light right next to the sign, but it had been abandoned long before. No voice left it's form, light barely glowed a foot away from the bulb. Dib walked by it for the fourth time that night, not even realizing that he had been going in the same circle for hours.

His eyes barely focused on the path ahead of him, the only time when he turned to look at something was overhead at the telephone poles and the roofs of the buildings that he walked alongside. Every once in a while, he would think that he saw a black bird, the same one he remembered following him from a month ago (anything before then was blurry), but it would always turn out to not be anything. No shadow, no trick of the light. There was nothing there to think up something like that, but then again, he would think that something was following him.

"I've been alone so long, I think shadows are following me," laughed Dib, the nerve wracking tendencies that the thought would give almost anyone else was lost on him. The whole of mankind made no sense to him anymore. For some reason, Dib knew there was something that he was supposed to be doing about them, something that he had left home for, even before it was blown up but the thought escaped him.

"_You and your mankind..."_

"What about it?" he excitedly asked the voice. No one responded, leaving Dib with a feeling of despair. He recognized the voice! It was someone he knew! Why couldn't he think of it? "It's not like you could rescue me from this, could you?"

"_Yeah, yeah, now let's go."_

"Go where?" he whispered.

-  
_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone_  
-

"_Remember earlier the whole bugging me thing? You're doing it again!"_

"But you're talking to me!" he shouted. This time, it stayed silent, no matter what he said. He stopped right next to another lamp post, his shadow making a deformed, mangled figure of him on the wall nearest the two. His entire body was shaking again, his stomach rebelling against either his last meal or the lack of it. Dib was somewhat getting used to these little "attacks" that wracked his body in pain, his heart didn't even change pace anymore. He didn't know when he had stopped reacting to his body's pain, but had long ago decided not to try to remember anymore.

"_Who isn't?"_

This time he ignored the voice of the person whom he could not recall and continued down the street, trying to remember where he was going.

-  
_Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah_  
-

"_You're in my light."_

"What light? It's near pitch dark out here! I have other things then listen to you talk, especially if you won't tell me your name. Things much more interesting then that."

"_Ooh! Can I watch? Wait, no, forget it."_

"Do you even listen to what I'm saying to you?"

"_I will destroy you."_

"But why? WHY!"

"_I thought I'd help you out. Whiner."_

-  
_I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone_  
-

The name escaped him. Again.

He knew for some reason that he was close to it, but every time he thought that he had it, it was gone, past into the depths of his mind where he couldn't reach it. How long had it been since he had seen her last? It couldn't have been as long as to completely forgetting her name, could it?

He could still picture her quickly in his mind. It was either her, or _him_, and between the two, she gave him more comfort then _him_. Why, considering he remembered that she didn't treat him much better, was not answered in his mind. He couldn't remember _his _name either, but it didn't seem to matter all that much to him anymore. All he knew was that _he_ was gone. There was no way _he_ could have survived that bomb that went off. No way possible.

So it was her that lingered in his mind, haunting him. She didn't like him, that much was obvious. She did her best to make him suffer, he had a few scars from some incidents. She was different, and he could remember the look on her face when he said that he would meet her at home.

Sadness.

Why? He didn't know. But there was something. What was it?

She didn't believe him.

_"I don't trust you."_

-  
_Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and every thing's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone_  
-

"_What are you doing?"_

"Checking whether I've stopped breathing yet," Dib smirked, feeling his breath cold on his hand. He then put a finger on his wrist. At first, he felt nothing. Then, he became aware of a slow steady beat that actually continued on in his veins, despite his feeling of cold-bloodedness.

"_That's more like it. I guess."_

"Of course it is," he frowned. She didn't say anything. Again. "Well?"

Silence. Dib continued to walk, down the exact same way that he had just come from, repeating the entire cycle again. He felt exhausted, but knew better than to try to get any sleep. There was no place to sleep around here, even if there was he would just lie there, his mind going in overdrive. At least the street gave him things to take his mind off of... his mind. He was beginning to believe that something was wrong with him, he just didn't know what yet.

-  
_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._  
-

Dib almost made the mistake of wondering what time it was. Time was said to be human invention, ha! Human invention, so what exactly did aliens go by? Space? Time was only human invention on earth. You didn't see animals or plants going by exact time. They did things when they felt like it, or when it was necessary. Humans played with time to make things go what, slower or faster?

People died before they were ready. That always seemed to be the case. Wherever Dib went, there was someone who died before their time. How could people say that, when it was those people who were dead who complained of everything going on so slowly? If you want things to go quickly, better meet you death up front. That is at least what Dib began to understand, through anything he saw, the few people he bothered to get close enough to to find out what was going on. Not in the news, just in general. Things that no one else would care about now fascinated Dib, and that just did not mean the paranormal. In fact, it was the people that no one cared about that drew his attention. These people no longer cared though, no longer felt as if they had to try to dig themselves out of the hole they had put themselves into, or even someone else put them into. In doing so, the ditch just became deeper and deeper with the bodies that created. Life was only a death march, waiting in step to take another person at either the guillotine or the noose, heaven or hell. Depends how much more one had to suffer.

-  
_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone_  
-

Dib finally stopped, realizing that he had been walking around in circles for the past several hours. Letting out a sigh of frustration, he hit the wall of a convenience store, followed shortly by a slow searching gaze to see if anyone else had seen that.

"_Looks like you finally found some friends who actually want to be around you."_

"But," Dib looked around, trying to see if he had missed someone, "There's no one here!"

"_I... guess so."_

-  
_Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._  
-

Dib scowled. He didn't know why he ended up at exactly the same place he had started. He was beginning to think that all cities were now in a circular pattern, so if you weren't going anywhere in particular you would most likely end up where you started. It was like a United States prank to aliens... from out of the country that is. A real alien would know where he was going and not be tricked by such a stupid display of cement. It also could be a trick to those who had never bothered to travel alone by himself in a city that he had never been to before. Maybe he should of agreed to accompany his father on his trips to other places for... whatever it was that his father did.

He started patting up and down his jacket, trying to remember what pocket that he put it in. It was in his outside left one, as it always was. For some reason, Dib thought he put it in the right one. It always surprised him when it appeared where he knew he had not left it. It was no matter though, it was empty. Dib stared at it in shock. He knew he now had a problem. The bottle was the only thing keeping him from snapping and doing something really stupid, he knew that as a fact.

The water bottle seemed to laugh at him, telling him to go and take some liquor from the store, just to see if he could.

"Not this time," Dib threw the water bottle at the Raven. The black bird shrieked at him before escaping into the air, disappearing instantly with the camouflaged background. He smiled, knowing that he had accomplished something for the day.

-  
_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a..._  
-

"I'm thirsty," he muttered, searching through his pockets for loose change. It helped sometimes that he didn't have that much money, it made it so he could only afford water anyways. He knew he shouldn't have thrown the plastic bottle away, just filled it up somewhere else. Dib cursed himself for forgetting that for the fifth time.

"Will you quit shouting? Druggie," muttered someone from one of the buildings. The actual voice brought a sharp blow to Dib's ears as he swung around to see one of the office building's door close.

"Not that alone after all. I guess," Dib waited, just to see if that person would say anything else. But nothing came of it and he was left once again the only person on the street.

"A little stealing never hurt anybody," Dib grumbled as he continued down the street. The people would just never understand him. Why did he want to prove to them? What did he want to prove to them? It didn't really matter.

-  
_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone..._

-

"_When you die, can I play?"_

"Sure. That won't be long, will it? So I won't make you wait this time... whoever you are."

* * *

_In fact, the first paragraph was from Dib's point of view, he just couldn't tell anything anymore. Although it is Dib's point of view of Zim, so take it however you'd like. All of the things in italics are quotes from Gaz. Well, I think I did well sticking them all in there so it made sense! Okay... I didn't think that this chapter made any sense, but the next one will be better. Things will actually happen in the next chapter. Honestly. R&R! I need to know whether people are reading this seriously anymore! (That sentence made no sense... reading this seriously? I must be frying at the edges...)_


	5. Are We The Waiting

"**Are We The Waiting"**

-

_Starry nights city lights coming down over me  
Skyscrapers and stargazers in my head  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown_  
-

No one else would of cared. It was just an unused warehouse, in fact, it's owner was contemplating taking it down himself. It was near the edge of what was called, 'the city.' As opposed to the dirty houses and cluttered streets that made up the rest of it. The Dead city. It was barely considered part of the same place. Something that everyone knew was there, but never bothered to notice at all. Like something at the edge of your conscious that you never could actually see.

There were a few people who cared about what happened to it. For them, it was their home. They couldn't afford anything else. In fact, many where from another city, who had managed to travel to here. There was nothing else that they could cling to other than themselves. It was even hard for them to do that, no one could ask more.

Dib stumbled into the town just like the rest of them, albeit much more calmly than they had. He had nothing he was rushing to, or at least he didn't think he did. He stared up at the buildings towering over him. It reminded Dib of his old city. He even recognized some of the stores right next by the ones that they were as he remembered them. He didn't bother kidding himself about it though, there was nothing that could bring back a demolished city, it wasn't like a video game where if you made a mistake you could load your saved game to keep everything from rolling downhill.

Dib had the strange desire of going up to the top of one of those buildings. He didn't know exactly where that came from, but he decided to follow the train of thought anyways. The lights shining down on the street kept the stars out of view, it was almost like day in the main part of town.

It was just a busy as daylight as well. Dib pushed his way into the mall, the easiest way to get to the roof past all of the people who didn't seem to know that it was time for bed. Dib ignored the crowded elevators and started on the long trek up the stairs. It was fifty floors, but that did not deter Dib from his goal.

"I think this is snapping me out of it more then anything," Dib muttered to himself. The physical exertion was clearing his mind much more then the drug had. That in itself did not make sense to Dib, but he figured, as long as it worked...

_Isn't this what I did before? Something... chasing...?_

The fiftieth floor wasn't as far off as Dib had thought it to be. And the roof door just happened to be unlocked, how lucky could one be in a day?

-

_This dirty town was burning down in my dreams  
Lost and found city bound in my dreams_

_-_

It was from the top where he saw the flames. The top of the mall rose far above the buildings surrounding it. One could see the dead part of the city from there. The fire was not that large, but the smoke was noticeable against the light of the city. If it had been farther near the outskirts the darkness of the Dead city would have made it unnoticeable. In fact, it wasn't that far away from where Dib was.

Dib strained his ears and eyes. Nothing. It did not seem as if the fire was noticed, for no sirens went off in the direction of it. Maybe it was an intentional fire, like the one the firefighters set for practice on a donated building.

Except the scream. That was too real for it to be a practice. No one else noticed, no one else cared. Dib knew that feeling. He knew how much it hurt. There.

Alone.

-  
_And screaming  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting  
And screaming  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting  
-_

"What happened?" he ran up in front of the brightly lit warehouse, a group of about twenty people standing in front of it, some screaming, some deathly silent.

"I don't know," one of the men their turned to face towards him. The dirt on his face was from living, not the fire. His face seemed to be plastered into seeing a horror picture, which for him was exactly the case. It would be hard for so many to find another place to live. Many wouldn't be able to find another place to live. "I was asleep, and I woke up to find that the eastern corner of the Casket was in fire. Many were tryin' to douse it, but it fed on the few other crates housed in here that we've never touched... filled with petroleum."

_How ironic. The Casket. It was to be their graves in the first place. Just not this soon._

"Are their people still in there?" he asked.

"I know that Sara's still in there," he shook his blonde hair so it covered his face, but his voice gave away his sorrow. "And at least two others. They're probably dead by now..."

"Let's find out," Dib grabbed one of the buckets of water that had been filled up for the annihilation of the fire that no longer were used. What would be the point? He threw it over himself, soaking his hair and jacket and beginning to dampen the clothes underneath it. _Just the same here,_ Dib thought, _What is the point of me doing this?_

"What are you-" the rest of the man's sentence was cut off as Dib felt the heat of the flames suddenly take its toll on his face. The presence of the heat was too much, especially to one who had gotten used to the temperatures of the night.

He rushed into the building, any remaining fog in his mind now gone in the presence of a life and death situation not set up by himself. Fire sprang everywhere, jumping from place to place, spreading like a wildfire on a dry plain.

"Hello?" he shouted, refraining from coughing from the hot ash he inhaled.

There could have been an answer, but the roar of the flames covered any reply. Dib kept moving, afraid that if he stopped he could be immediately surrounded by flames. Squinting, he made out an unconscious form on the floor. He quickly made his way over to him, a boy of seven years probably. Dib took off his wet glove and put it over the child's mouth, realizing he had forgotten to do the same for himself. Not wasting time on the thought, he continued, knowing he couldn't spend much more time inside or the boy would have no chance and their exit could be cut off.

"W-wai-" the voice cut off with an wracking cough, as the girl it had come from collapsed where she was nearly encompassed by fire. Dib rushed over, turning her face up to apply his other wet glove over her mouth. He narrowed his eyes as he recognized her.

It was Sara. From skool.

-  
_Forget me nots and second thoughts live in isolation  
Heads or tails and fairytales in my mind  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown  
The rage and love, the story of my life  
The Jesus of suburbia is a lie_  
-

He hadn't imagined that when the man outside said Sara was still inside that it was the one he knew. _She'd know **him** too,_ Dib remembered. Zim. That was his enemy's name. Was it Zim who destroyed his hometown? Then he recalled her, her eyes. Sadness.

_Gaz._

_It was me._

The shock of the realization nearly made Dib drop the boy and Sara. It wasn't Zim at all. It was him. _Why? WHY?_

Dib didn't remember leaving the building, all he felt was that he needed another fix. And fast.

"Damon!" yelled a girl, coming over and taking the boy from Dib's arms. "And Sara! Jose! Caleb! Help him!"

Dib felt Sara taken from his arms and someone supporting his weight. He was taken a bit aways, other words being said, but none piercing his mind. HE killed them all. He was going to save them.

"Here's some water. Drink."

Dib coughed as he attempted to swallow. The cold water seemed to attack his burnt throat, a way for his body to get back at him for the stupid choice of going into a burning building.

"You were very brave. Everyone wanted to tell you that, but I figured one person taking care of you was enough for the time being. Here, don't drop the blanket."

Dib grasped harder at the blanket that he just noticed around himself. His eyes finally began to clear the ash from themselves. He blinked a few times, somewhat able to see the pretty girl in front of him.

"Are they alright?" he asked, making his voice strong. He didn't want to stay for very long, he was a murderer. He had best just jump off of the top of the mall right them.

"Yes. You're gloves were fast thinking," she put them in his empty hand. "You look familiar, do I know you?"

"You're better off not," he shook his head, his hair covering his face completely. He hadn't noticed how long he had allowed it to grow.

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

That question caused Dib to look up at her through his hair. Her purple hair, darker than Gaz's, hung loose around her face, not pinned up, down to her shoulders.

"Gretchen?" he asked, pushing his glasses (no longer fogged) up on the bridge of his nose.

She blinked for a few seconds before she looked over him again. "Dib...?"

Dib pushed down the horror in him, knowing most likely he was going to be strangled, it was him who had destroyed their lives, but he figured he'd get that much from Sara. If she got up before he left. Instead of all that, he put on a sort of smile. "How you doin'?"

What he was not expecting was a hug.

"You're alive!" she breathed, holding him closer still. "Damon and I hadn't seen anyone from home until Sara here! I can't believe you're alive!"

Dib managed to push Gretchen off so he could see her thoroughly. She seemed more mature then last year. Skinny, but not as the teenage girls were starving themselves; muscle on her arms, she had to of worked to of gotten this far.

"Who's Damon?" he asked her.

"My brother," she smiled, a plain smile, not ecstatic or sad, and that made her beautiful, which surprised Dib. He had never thought of her like that before. "We were the only ones of our family that survived the bombing. Sara's all alone too. What about you? Is Gaz alright? Your father?"

Dib lowered his head again. He killed them. "I haven't seen them since."

Her smile faded. "I'm sorry Dib."

He shook his head. "It's not that different. They were never around back then anyways." _Were they?_ He tried to remember, but all of his feelings pointed back to nothing. They were never there for him.

_Then why does it hurt so much?_

"Have you been doing alright?" she asked hopefully.

"Not bad," he answered truthfully. He figured he could have been doing a lot worse. He could of lived with the knowledge of what had happened for a year. He could have died.

_But would that really have been worse?_

"You should get some rest," Gretchen stood up, seeming as if she wanted to stay and talk more, but knowing better.

"Right," he decided not to tell her of his increasing insomnia, as he lied down.

"I'll be just outside," she tugged at the overhead cloth of the small makeshift tent that was made just for him as she left. Dib rolled over, suddenly feeling very drowsy. His eyelids closed almost instantly as he got as comfortable that was possible. Then he had a thought.

_I'm alive. That means Zim is alive._

_He doesn't have a choice otherwise._

-  
_And screaming  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting  
And screaming  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting  
And screaming  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown  
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown_

-

Gretchen did not remember drifting off, but she noticed she had fallen asleep when she snapped awake by the sound of her friends, her roommates, all talking incessantly. She rubbed her eyes and walked over, now alert. Ever since having to take care of her younger brother, she never had a consistent sleeping pattern, so she just fell asleep whenever and when she woke up she was never drowsy. She could of used that talent when she had to wake up early for skool. But that was a long time ago.

"-and so it fed itself out," she heard Dib's voice from the crowd of twenty-two people. It didn't include her brother or Sara or Jose who was watching the two. All together they were twenty-six people who made a sort of family. A family with no home. "I know that now you are susceptible to the constantly changing weather of this planet. But I think I can help."

"Dib?" she asked, pushing herself past Kayden and Audri.

"Gretchen," he smiled at her, seeming more happy then she had ever seen him be before. No, that was not true. That had been when he had thought that their sixth grade class was going to believe that Zim was an alien. It was then she had seen him truly happy. And truly hurt. "If you all stick with me, I'll carve out a place in stone for you all to stay. I will try my hardest to make a place where you all will belong. But you'll need to work, perhaps harder, then you've had to before. I won't abandon you like the rest of the world. Are you with me?"

And Gretchen found herself saying yes along with everyone else. Not because she believed him like the rest (although she did), it was because of his smile. The smile she did not crush on, the one she fell head over heels in love with.

* * *

_Well, how was that? Blah, blah, blah, r&r, blah, confusing, blah, blah, blah, any good? Yeah, I thought so. I'm supposed to have something to say here, but I can't think of anything. Other then it was definitely better than the last one, or at least to me. Next chapter is St. Jimmy. Anyone who knows the lyrics... oh, yeah. This'll be fun._


	6. St Jimmy

"**St. Jimmy"**

-

_St. Jimmy's comin' down across the alleyway  
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade  
Light of a silhouette  
He's insubordinate  
Coming at you on the count of 1,2,1,2,3,4!_  
-

"I'll give you the money!" the man shook harshly, throwing the keys over the desk. "The drugs! Anything! Just please-"

"Where's the rest of the company?" the perpetrator asked, easily swiping the keys off the desk. Company was a joke. The _company_ was an illegal drug dealership. The head of the trade was an idiot, thinking that he was from a government agency to take him down. He wasn't that important for the government to go after him. Yet.

"The stuff is in the antique shop on Farrow Street," the man did not move from his place, cowering behind the desk. "All employees on the second level are a part of the deal."

"Good."

"Wait!" the man backed into his office chair which then rolled away from him. "I thought you said if I gave you what you wanted you would let me go!"

He laughed as he put on the silencer. "So I lied."

"What devil are you?"

Dib had thought a about it for a long time before deciding to take a different name. One that had nothing to do with the one who had slaughtered innocents. The drugs now were in effect, but he would always know the difference between who should live, and who he should kill.

"St. Jimmy," he told the man as he blew his brains out.

-  
_My name is Jimmy and you better not wear it out  
Suicide commando that your momma talked about  
King of the forty thieves  
And I'm here to represent  
That needle in the vein of the establishment_  
-

"Dib, I-" she stopped herself.

"Hey Gretchen," Dib turned towards her, cutting away from his project of renovating the room that he had decided he would pretend to stay in. Maybe he would even sleep there, it depended on his new schedule. The broken building used to be a hotel, not a very large one, but one with probably fifteen rooms. As most of the people Dib took in when he (and a few others) cleared out the hotel from the gang that used to house themselves there, were used to sleeping by others, only six of the rooms were taken up. Who knew that the dead part of town had so much activity in it's bowels. Illegal of course.

Dib took one room for himself, the one that used to be a suite. He figured that he needed a place to keep his supplies and weapons. And then there was the fact that Gretchen would pester him that he needed a place to stay. He also had forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth before facing her.

"What is it?"

"I remembered you wanted people to call you Jimmy," she frowned.

Dib looked her over. "Those who don't know me, Gretchen. I want to cut myself out from my old life, since it's not as if I can go back there."

"Right," she shrugged, looking down. "D- I'm not sure about this, what exactly is going on? Don't you think that all of this taking is bad?"

"Taking from people who are dead isn't bad," Dib turned and continued to board up the window. "They don't need it anymore."

"Killing, Dib," Gretchen took his arm. "You're killing people."

"People who are as badly off as we are, some even better," Dib explained, putting down the hammer. "People who the world would be better off without. I give those who deserve it a second chance. Those downstairs agree with me."

"I don't want my brother to think that this is okay."

"Then I'll tell him it isn't," Dib sighed. "People in general won't help when you ask it of them, won't even let you work unless they think they can get more out of you then they have to give. What else can we do? In short, I'm even doing the people higher up a favour."

"I guess." Her shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"As soon as we're stably in, as soon as I can find a way to let all of these people live, it won't be necessary anymore," he grinned.

"Fine," she smiled nervously, taking the cigarette from between his teeth.

"Hey!" he reached for it as she dropped it on the floor and ground it under her heel.

"Sure, Jimmy," her smile widened as she turned and went back down the stairs. "The Terri family has been settled in the room by the first floor lobby window. Next time you're going to bring people, give us warning to set up a place, 'kay?"

"Set them all up then," he told her, unhappily stepping on the cigarette's ashes. "Cause I don't know if I'm bringing someone back."

-  
_I'm the patron saint of the denial  
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal_  
-

"Hey, St. Jimmy!"

"Jose!" Dib waved as the taller man came over. "How's Sara doing?"

"She's not coughing anymore," the dark skinned man said happily, "but I told her to stay in bed and not strain herself. It's okay if she stays in bed for a bit longer, right?"

"Absolutely!" Dib waved off the worried look. "We want her in top condition before making her do anything? It wouldn't be good to start off a coughing fit again."

"Thanks Jimmy!" Jose aimed a playful punch at his shoulder, which Dib dodged and returned with his own to Jose's back, which hit.

"You don't overdo it yourself, okay?"

"Whatever you say," Jose waved at him as he walked off.

It had only been two weeks, but Dib found himself with an unshakable position.

"Kayden, what did Greg and Audri say 'bout the place on Scythe Curb?"

It wasn't really named "Scythe Curb" but everything in the Dead city had a name that everyone else called it.

"Was that bastard there?" Kayden, the one who had been the one that Dib had first spoken too before the Casket burned down, had become a completely loyal follower of "St. Jimmy," which was helpful when it came to brute strength. "They thought they saw him. Go at it, Jimmy."

Dib nodded, recalling what Sara had said when he had gone to speak with her earlier.

"_Dib? You saved me... that's a laugh. Why didn't you leave me there? You've got to be joking, most likely you just didn't know it was me. What's going on now? Everyone is calling you Jimmy... St. Jimmy? I almost would have believed it before actually seeing that it was you. Oh. I see. What are your plans? Kill him? I don't think you are- ...You... have? You really aren't the kid I picked on in school for being such a freak. You really shouldn't kill him. Sure, he knew we were there, and sure, he never seemed to care. He didn't care. I don't think he literally set it on fire to get rid of us. Fine. Do whatever you want. Oh, and... Jimmy. Do you still believe in aliens?"_

Dib zipped up his coat and headed outside.

-  
_Cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope  
I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allen Poe  
Raised in the city under a halo of lights  
The product of war and fear that we've been victimized_  
-

He swirled the noodles around his fork, lifting it to his mouth without much thought. Dib just stood there, waiting near the corner for the man that they wanted revenge on. He could even tell that Gretchen felt pained by the mention of the former owner of the Casket, who didn't even notice that it was on fire. In fact, they all were mad at the majority of society, who did not even bat an eyelid at a burning building in the Dead city. Barely knowing what he himself was doing, Dib did what he had promised them. He carved a place out of the city for them. It was not engraved in stone yet, but it would get there. Dib noticed that his memory kept with him if he had something constant on his mind. He didn't remember anything that happened in the warehouse, except what he recalled from years past now. He remembered his father, Gaz, and Zim. _Dad... Gaz... I killed them._

Proving aliens didn't seem to be as big of a thing, now that he didn't have time for anything other than surviving the city. Zim hadn't been that big of a threat, now that he thought about it. His leaders banished him to earth. Zim had somewhat shut down then. About a month afterwards, he snapped back to himself, telling Dib that he didn't need his Tallest to tell him what to do, that he was going to take earth for himself.

Not that he ever had the chance. Dib took him as seriously as he always did, but Zim hadn't used any of his tricks, Zim never seemed to be trying.

_This is what he's turned me into,_ Dib realized, staring at the bottom of his empty bowl. _A victim that something was going to take over earth- no, that something would try to shove me down. I'm not going to take anymore._

He pulled out a cigarette, now that Gretchen wasn't around to stamp it out.

-  
_I'm the patron saint of the denial  
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal_  
-

The car pulled up, and his target stepped out. Dib set his bowl aside as he started walking over towards the building.

"-I don't want to hear it! No, no. I'm sorry. I have some business to finish up here. Yeah. What? I haven't looked at that warehouse for months. Probably not. Okay, tell the kids I love them. Bye. Love you." Mr. Penterun closed his cell phone and went into perhaps the cleanest building on that street.

Dib paused, now not sure. Children?

_And flowers for the widow._

Dib threw up the rope and waited for the end to hook onto the opened window. He walked right through the broken glass, ignoring the one piece that cut through the bottom of his boot as he immediately started up the wall. He pressed himself against the wall as a light went by. Two cars in one night, suddenly they were popular.

"Sir?" a small voice came up to his ears.

Dib paused again and looked down at the ground eight feet beneath him. There were four people there, two of them children. Dib dropped down to them.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" one of the young adults asked him. They were just as badly off as Casket's members, Dib realized.

"Do you happen to stick with a larger group of people?" Dib asked curiously. "Whom couldn't get a job in the city, just because of the prejudice that people with their necessities can't understand?"

"Not especially," said the oldest male, who wrapped his coat around the other man, who looked as if he were his brother. "Where we stay... there are others there... but we don't really associate with them."

"The Hotel on Caretaker's Way is open for people to drop by," Dib informed them.

"Hotel?" asked the youngest, probably about nine years old.

Dib nodded. "Welcome for people to stay, despite condition. You, and the people you're with can come at any time."

"But what are you doin'?" asked the young teenager, the one who spoke in the first place.

"Revenge for the little people," Dib started up the wall again. "Who, if I have my way, won't be little for much longer."

-  
**_ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?_**  
-

He vaulted over the window sill and headed through the hallway down to the single room that was lit. He walked up straight behind him, not secretly, but Penterun didn't turn.

"Not now, Mike."

"I came to kill you." That got his attention. Penterun turned around and froze at the sight of the gun.

"Why?" he whispered putting up his hands as Dib rested the barrel on his forehead.

"For the people you should have cared about," Dib said simply. Tears ran down the other's face.

-  
"_I'll give you something to cry about."_  
-  
**_ST. JIMMY!_**  
-

"Jimmy!" he was rushed by eight people, which three of them he didn't remember their names.

"Finished the job," Dib showed the wallet. "With as many people who don't really need their money around here, we could actually move into the city, at this rate."

"I don't know," said one. "I'm kind of getting fond of the Hotel."

"But with the money, we could go to the city and get supplies to fix it up!" another one exclaimed, flush in his cheeks.

"Will take a poll on it," Dib pondered. "What we need and what we think we want. I'll have some people go and do shopping." _Shopping. That's been a while._

"Jimmy," another pushed through the three in front of him. "We've got a large group that says you've sent them."

_Didn't think that they'd respond that fast._ Dib nodded.

"You gonna sign them in like you did us?"

"Have to meet the renters," Dib grinned, patting him on the shoulder and passing them by, heading into the lobby, which was really a lobby, with as many people that had come in. Dib estimated that there was at least fourty people. New people. And they all had hope in their eyes.

-  
_My name is St. Jimmy I'm a son of a gun  
I'm the one that's from the way outside  
I'm a teenage assassin executing some fun  
In the cult of the life of crime_

-

"Excuse me," Dib said in a normal voice, but he got instant response from the entire group as they all quieted themselves. Dib stood up on the reception counter so he could be seen.

"My name is St. Jimmy, and I guess I'm what you would call the head of this outfit. I'm not going to lay any false pretenses, I have killed people, and I'm still in the business of murder. Reminder that all funds are going to go to the Hotel. It may be called the Hotel, but I'm not making you pay. Everyone here is going to work together, 'cause I've learned that it is easier to reach your goal if you have many people striving for the same thing.

"So, in hearing this, I'll let you decide whether you actually want to stick around here. If you're not, leave, no one is going to stop you and I can't say I would hate you for it. But, if you're going to stay here, I'll need you to line up so I can get your names and what you absolutely will not do. Everything else isn't necessary."

Dib noticed about three people leave as soon as he mentioned his occupation, but most stayed through the entire thing. He didn't notice any leave after that, but looking in their eyes, most of them were desperate. Desperate for someone who would help them get to their feet so they could tackle life on their own.

A line formed after a bit of talking amongst the crowd. One of the older women (whom Dib had forgotten the name, he figured he should look over his present list again) held out a chair behind the counter. Dib fell back into it, opening up the tattered notebook that had been donated for this purpose. Dib pulled out his water bottle (which no longer held water) and took a swig from it as he looked up to the first person in line.

_-  
I really hate to say it but I told you so  
So shut your mouth before I shoot you down old boy  
Welcome to the club and give me some blood  
And the resident leader at the lost and found_  
-

"What's your name?"

"Zeph," was the reply he got. The teenage boy had black hair that looked how Dib's would if he cut it back to it's original height. He wore glasses as well, but his hair hid his eyes colour.

Dib rose an eyebrow, but Zeph didn't seem to want to give a last name. Dib shrugged and wrote it down.

"I won't be sent on a suicidal mission, that's all."

Dib grinned, getting ready for the long time that the line would take.

"That's what I do, Zeph. That's my job."

Zeph gave a nervous grin back, strengthened by Dib's outstretched hand as he took it.

"Welcome to the club, Zeph."

-  
_It's comedy and tragedy  
It's St. Jimmy  
And that's my nameeeeeee...and don't wear it out!_

-

He left when the line appeared to be too long. Not that he knew what it was for, missing the entire speech. Keeping his hood up, he slid by the crowd, biting back a retort when someone accidentally brushed up against him. He couldn't let this... Jimmy that everyone spoke of notice him.

Dib was in here. He saw him enter this building and he would find him. Destroy him for what he had done to ZIM! _Stranding_ Zim _here_, on this _filthy_ planet! He would pay! Oh, how he would pay!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Apparently Sara isn't in denial. Zim sure is, but St. Jimmy is not his patron saint. More of him in the next chapter. Anyways, r&r, again. Like normal. Makes me happy to know that someone likes the chapter well enough to respond to it._


	7. Give Me Novacaine

**"Give Me Novacaine"**  
-  
_Take away the sensation inside  
Bitter sweet migraine in my head  
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind  
I can't take this feeling anymore_  
-

It burned, not the exact response that he was hoping from it. Irritated, he threw the cigarette over the railing, hoping that maybe it would hit some random passerby on their way by. That would make him feel better, since it otherwise was a useless object. After hours of waiting, he was tired of going on someone else's schedule. He never did before and now he definitely had no reason to do anything other then exactly what he wanted to.

He grabbed at the hood on his head as the wind attempted to blow it off. He felt the hair blow down the back of his neck. Grumbling, Zim pulled the wig back to its proper place on his head. Then, out of the corner of his lensed eye, the light went on and off in the room. It was time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It burned, surprising him with its intensity. Dib sighed, leaning back on to the bed that one of the new people... Randy Vasyer... a woodworker by hobby, just with a knife originally, made for him with some boards and materials that were brought together for that purpose. If Randy had the actual tools and materials for a professional, he would have a job. But even when Dib suggested that, Randy disagreed. It just didn't seem to occur to him that he had what it took for it. Then again, he might have just thought that he wouldn't make enough money to support his wife and three kids. He seemed afraid that if he had a real job that the rest of the people in the Hotel wouldn't help support him anymore. Dib could have laughed. He thought that everything that he had said so far was proof of that.

After the burning sensation was gone, Dib was left with his pounding headache. He groaned and turned over, accidentally pulling the light chain, bathing the room with brightness. Cursing, Dib yanked at the chain, turning off the light once again. He had forgotten what actual light was like, practically living in the dark for the past weeks. Even in the day it was dark, with the constant rain that had been around. But lately the rain had left and the days were brighter now. He would just have to get used to it again. At least the days were still short.

-  
_Drain the pressure from the swelling,  
This sensation's overwhelming,  
Give me a long kiss goodnight  
and everything will be alright  
Tell me that I won't feel a thing  
So give me Novacaine_  
-

The tap at the window seemed to splinter in his head, breaking his attempt at trying to relax through the headache. He was about to open the window and shoot whoever was throwing things up at the window when it opened from the outside. A hooded figure came in, closing the window behind him.

"Sara says I'm hallucinating, but I don't think that you'd appreciate that if she said that to your face," Dib yawned, still trying to get to sleep.

"Shut up, filthy Hyuman!" snarled the figure, shocking Dib out of his reverie and sat up straight, his head screaming at him to stop moving, and on a better note, stop existing.

"Zim..." he breathed. "Now I know I'm hallucinating."

"You'll hallucinate when you are killed by the Zim hands of Zim!" he spat, furious beyond all measures. "You destroyed everything! Everything Dib! My base, my SIR unit, everything! Why, by your _stupid_ planet earth, would you do such a thing? WHY?"

"And what makes you think I care about what happened to you?" Dib lowered his face into his hands, barely able to take the noise that Zim was making.

"Because," Zim grumbled, but he stopped there. He looked Dib over, wondering what exactly had happened to his rival. There was no sight of it on him, but he smelled as if he had bathed in blood. Dib as he remembered, talked tough, but had never gone as far as to make something bleed.

"Because?" Dib snorted. "Zim, leave before I decide to kill you. I really don't care whether you live or die. I have enough problems here then to have to deal with the rest of the world."

"Unless you've destroyed it."

Dib let one eye look up at Zim. Zim hadn't grown that much, but the fact that he had grown was probably something strange for his race, but Dib didn't know. He tried to recall what the.. Irkens?.. were like, but then remembered that he did not care. He pulled out his bag and faced away from Zim.

"What is that?" Dib did not reply, making Zim again angry, all curiousness forgotten. All he wanted was that bag in his hands. "WHAT IS IT!"

Zim dove at Dib, causing them both to fall off of the bed, making a cloud of white billow around them.

"Damn it Zim!" Dib shouted at him, getting ready to kill the alien. He stopped, managing to clear his head to see that Zim was having his own problems. A gag reflex had started when he breathed in some of the drug and he was just staggering around the room, trying to stay up right.

Dib took a deep breath in and opened the window, which Zim promptly put his head out of. Dib used that time to shut the window on Zim's head.

"Stink-human!" Zim hissed.

"You know how hard it is to get-" Dib stopped himself. "You said human."

"I learn," Zim growled. Dib just stared at him strangely before going over to the cloud of white and sitting down at that end of the bed. Zim just knew that it was to keep him away. It succeeded, as Zim sat on the window sill, opening it again for fresher air.

-  
_Out of body and out of mind  
Kiss the demons out of my dreams  
I get the funny feeling, that's alright  
Jimmy says it's better than air,  
I'll tell you what_  
-

"That is that drug that is making you crazy Dib," Zim realized, finally things falling in place for him.

"I'm not crazy!" Dib shouted venomously back at him. He then stopped, as if he didn't remember that happening as he lied back down on the bed. "Jimmy says it's fine..."

"Who is this... St. Jimmy I keep hearing about?" Zim frowned.

"Haven't you heard? He's the brains of this outfit," Dib sighed. "He's here to save us from ourselves."

"Yes, yes... that's fine," Zim waved it off. "But who is he?"

Dib turned so that he could see Zim again. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes," Zim stated simply. "Yes it does."

Dib laughed harshly, almost making Zim cringe, but he refused to do so. He would not show weakness to Dib. Not that the Dib would likely notice it.

"You wouldn't know if something mattered if it slapped you in the face Zim. And it has, many times."

"Like when?" Zim questioned angrily.

Dib paused. "Some time or another. Most of the time I think. It's been a while Zim, how should I remember?"

"You should still have memories from your twelfth birthday!" Zim shot back. "I know how the human mind works!"

"Get out Zim!" Dib commanded.

"You do not tell Zim what to do!" Zim yelled.

"Okay," Dib shrugged, an awkward feat to pull in an horizontal position, just because the people watching you are not sure what it is that you have just done.

"O... kay?" Zim narrowed his eyes. "That is all? No more trying to throw me out?"

"Why?" Dib continued to gaze at the ceiling again. "You're the most intelligent conversation that I have had in a long time... although I would really prefer it if you were quiet. My head hurts."

"A symptom of that drug, no?" Zim, now that the air was not as thick with the wretched substance, crawled over on the bed and looked down at Dib. "I could fix-" Zim stopped, another painful reminder that his base was destroyed, along with most of his Irken equipment. He couldn't do anything for Dib, even if he had meant it.

"I doubt it," Dib sighed again, looking up at Zim. "Take off those lenses, would you?"

Zim was halfway between arguing and obliging. He hated the lenses with a passion, but he didn't want to obey the Dib-worm. In the end, he took them off.

"Why?" he suddenly asked, thinking he should have probably asked that before taking them off.

"Making sure you're an alien," Dib replied, closing his eyes.

-  
_Drain the pressure from the swelling,  
This sensation's overwhelming,  
Give me a long kiss goodnight  
and everything will be alright  
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,  
So give me Novacaine_  
-

Zim scowled yet again. "I think you have lost it Dib-monkey. Haven't you've ever wanted to go home? I thought Humans had a strong feeling of home sense, or something like that."

"I don't have a home Zim," Dib kept his eyes shut. "None that would welcome me, anyways. There is no one there."

"Are you certain?"

"Zim, your voice is making my head pound."

"You said we could be friends, when I had no more orders... earth was just a game I could of abandoned at any time. We could have been friends, the only creature able to interest me for this long."

"I mean it Zim, my head hurts."

Zim let out a soft laugh. "I don't think it's my voice that-" Zim stopped as something covered his mouth, Dib's mouth. Zim was petrified as Dib slid his tongue into Zim's mouth, kissing him softly. Zim pushed away instantly.

"What was that Dib!" It didn't come out as a question, for Zim could barely think. He felt his mouth burning, from the saliva that Dib put into his mouth.

"Shhhh..." Dib lied back down.

"Why you-!" Zim reached for a plasma gun or something, before remembering the only weapons he had were in his pak. That made him recall the small reason he had left. Huffing in anger that almost made his vision red, Zim vaulted out the window, leaving it open.

-  
_Oh Novacaine_  
-

It was later that day when Zim cursed his decision. Not only did he not have the will to face the stupid human again, when he knew it was hopeless to try to fix him, he had left his contacts in Dib's room. His mouth continued to burn and Zim could not get the taste of the cocaine, cigarettes, and alcohol off of his tongue. Sitting on top of the mall, staring at the Dead city, Zim lowered his wig to cover his eyes while his hood covered the back of his head. There, he hoped that the Human pollution would wash the taste from his mouth.

-  
_Drain the pressure from the swelling,  
This sensation's overwhelming  
Give me a long kiss goodnight  
and everything will be alright  
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,  
So give me Novacaine_

-

"Wait," Dib said to the ceiling. "I'm Jimmy. I could be saving them, but where am I? Where does that put me?"

The ceiling wholeheartedly agreed with him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_And no. This is not ZADR. This is drugs making people do weird things. If Dib realized what he was doing, he would have probably shot himself. Not before shooting Zim first. But, happily, he didn't realize it and so they both still live. But for how long?_


	8. She's A Rebel

"**She's A Rebel"**

-

_She's a rebel  
She's a saint  
She's salt of the earth  
And she's dangerous_  
-

"Who is it now?" Sara twirled her hair around her finger.

"James Ansar," he replied. Jimmy barely lifted his head to look at her, just continued to hang his feet out of her window. Sara tried to remember when she had begun to think of Dib as Jimmy. It was when she realized he was no longer the boy she knew in skool. She knew he was too far out for her to even help him, if she had wanted to. But she didn't, in fact, she liked Jimmy much more then Dib, though he was annoying at times. He came to her, which is what she never understood. She would have figured that if he wanted to talk to anyone, it would have been Gretchen, or someone that liked him. Sara made it clear that she could care less what happened to him, but Jimmy seemed to like it that way. Perhaps he still needed something familiar to hang on to, even with his completely different mind set.

"Isn't he the head of the Corthan Corporation?" Sara asked.

"Yep," Jimmy didn't turn to face her, he never did anymore.

"He hasn't done anything wrong," Sara narrowed her eyes.

"No one else knows that," Jimmy leaned against the side of the window, putting his hand back as if reaching for something. He had an odd habit of wanting to drop certain things out windows, normally green objects. Sara had long since moved all of her few possessions away from the area.

"And you're not making it that much of a secret this time," Sara mused.

"What's the point?"

"So he's hired some muscle or so to defend himself, including a good bodyguard whose an expert at all sorts of weaponry. Oh... whatsername," Sara pointed out.

"My muscle will distract downstairs," Jimmy laughed. "I have my normal bag of tricks that they fall for every time. They're all the same. Then, bang, he's dead."

"You talk about death so simply," Sara shook her head.

"Fuck that, I talk about death all the time," Jimmy finally looked over at her. "One would think nothing's had its affect on you."

Sara didn't reply to that. She knew better than to do so. "What happened to you when the city blew up?" she asked him. Jimmy just stood up and left, silent. Sara sighed in irritation. _When will he learn?_

-  
_She's a rebel  
Vigilante  
Missing link on the brink  
Of destruction_  
-

"Wait!" she had to shout, or else Dib would leave before she got close enough to stop him. He turned around and waited for her, a good sign. He wasn't surrounded by people either, for once she could talk to him by herself without watching what she said.

"What is it Gretchen?" he asked her, pulling a bit at the side of his coat. "I have a job to do."

Gretchen knew very well that he had a job. Whomever it was for, no one knew, but Dib did what this person asked of him and this person would pay him. The money went straight for the Hotel. Gretchen was afraid that it was only a matter of time before Dib got bored of his new employer. But maybe, he wouldn't kill him. That was what she was afraid of.

"But this is important," she told him, hoping that he would listen.

Dib, or Jimmy as everyone else called him, pondered it over before shrugging. "Go ahead."

"The woman that Ansar hired," Gretchen started. She no longer tried to argue and stop Dib from doing what he did. She couldn't. Nothing she said seemed to bypass his defenses and process in his mind. And everything he said made some sort of sense. She was starting to wonder whether Dib was right, but she always hit herself when she started to think like that. If she thought like that, she might as well start calling him Jimmy. "She's an expert Dib. She's killed before, just like you. She hasn't had a single failed mission. She-"

"Could kill me?" Dib smirked. "That's fine Gretchen. I doubt it."

"You're not taking this seriously!" Gretchen exclaimed, getting very nervous.

"I never do," he smiled at her, patted her shoulder and then left. Gretchen just stood there, envisioning his smile. Despite that, she had a feeling that he should never have come here.

-  
_From Chicago to Toronto  
She's the one that they  
Call old whatsername_  
-

_Good?_ Dib had to keep himself from laughing like crazy. _Every single one has no idea! I could deal with them all myself!_ Even the woman that was suppose to be so good had fallen for his trap. She wasn't even good! All she could do was tote a gun around and shoot. It left the path clear so he could go up and kill James easily. So much for the famous assassin that she could also be.

Dib entered the room and shut it behind him. He could see James, in his chair facing away from him. He was in plain sight, so much that Dib wondered whether their was a trick. He didn't bother turning on the light, he didn't want or need it.

Not bothering to hide his presence, Dib pulled out his gun and headed over towards him.

The chair turned around and Dib realized it wasn't him.

A girl sat there, only about fifteen years old at the most. Her hood from her cloak covered the majority of her face, leaving only her mouth present. She was dressed all in black, as he was, but her style reminded Dib of the medieval games whose music would always be heard within the house.

Her gun came up quicker than his and fired just as suddenly. They both threw themselves away from the paths of the bullets. Well, Dib threw himself, but she only sidestepped out of the chair. She turned in his direction and fired off a round. Dib ducked and then rolled himself out of the way, but couldn't help by getting nicked on his left leg by one. She didn't give him a chance to bring up his guns, continuing to fire hers as he dodged every single one. When she ran out of bullets, Dib managed to counter back with his own, as she just ducked under the couch and ended up behind it. She pulled out another gun and shot at his feet from under the couch just as she got out from under to avoid a bullet that he grazed the ground with.

Dib found himself running out of bullets just as she did. He figured with both of them out, he would have enough time to reload. As he was doing that, she jumped over the couch with a piece of metal in her hands that caught on the little bit of light that managed to get through the black curtains. Dib would have laughed if he wasn't in a more dangerous situation then he had anticipated. She had probably ordered the curtains to be changed to black.

Her sword nearly sliced his shoulder, but Dib brought up his empty gun to deflect it. It broke the gun, but Dib had another. He dove towards the curtains himself, leaning back against the wall near the window at the opposite wall then the door.

She stood in front of the window on the side of the room, the curtains now halfway open so making her silhouette sharply contrast from the street lights outside.

"You're St. Jimmy?" her voice was intended to be cold, but it came out with a tiny bit of surprise. Cold surprise.

"Disappointed?" Dib asked, bringing up his gun as he finished loading it.

She stayed quiet for a bit, but her sword was as ready as ever.

"Hardly, in fact, I'm impressed."

-  
_She's the symbol  
Of resistance  
And she's holding on my  
Heart like a hand grenade_  
-

Dib pushed the hood on his jacket off of his head, so he wouldn't be suddenly taken by a lack of vision. Besides, the hood was only so people on the street wouldn't see his face. If someone he was about to kill saw it, there was no difference whether they knew everything about him. They would be dead soon.

As soon as he did that, he sword lowered itself by half an inch. One of her hands came up to her own hood, and pulled it back to her hairline. Dib froze, trying to place the face with a name.

"Dib?" Gaz asked.

Dib couldn't respond. What was she doing here? How could she be here? She was alive?

She strode over and punched him in the face, snapping his neck back and making him hit the wall that he was pressed up against."What the hell are you doing here?" she screamed.

"Gaz!" he spat out some blood, almost feeling as if it were the name that had cut his tongue and not the metal on her gloves forcing his teeth down on it.

"It was you!" she shouted at him. "You killed everything! You destroyed everything! What the hell was that for? How could you?"

He managed to stand up straight again. He didn't bother responding as she vented out on him.

"I was on the last level Dib! And then it was all in ruin! Everything I owned was gone! Anything that I wanted to be around was gone! I was forced to have to go out to associate with these stupid humans! Why?"

"I don't remember doing it."

Gaz stopped and looked at him, as if trying to decipher if he was telling the truth. Dib was, anything that he remembered, it seemed almost as if someone else was doing it.

"You never came home, you bastard."

She punched him again in the face. Dib hit the window and saw Gaz coming for him again, murder in his eyes. With that thought in his mind, he blacked out.

-  
_Is she dreaming  
What I'm thinking  
Is she the mother of all bombs  
Gonna detonate_  
-

Gaz stared down at her ruined brother. Not what she had done to him, she had only done enough to knock him out. He had ruined himself in a way that she had never imagined was possible. What had happened to the exited, annoying teenager who always was bothering her with his stupid paranormal studies? Who obsessively followed Zim around, even when the stupid alien hadn't done anything? It made her curious about what had happened to the horrible Invader. But her brother?

Should she have payed him more attention?

He was St. Jimmy. No one intelligent would even pretend to make that claim, with the name that Jimmy had made for himself underground, and she knew that Dib was very intelligent. He was very intelligent, but he made the stupidest choices. Still, it still showed an open door of what he had done. She had often dreamed of killing off the human race herself, or at least, killing the ones who bothered her, Dib included. But he had actually started that. He had started to kill people, even those who hadn't done anything. Like his target tonight, all he had done was made enemies with the wrong people. James was actually quite pleasant. He wasn't annoyingly nice, but he wasn't crude and stupid either. He was one of the few decent human beings that Gaz had come across.

"What happened to you Dib?" Gaz murmured sadly, hating the decision that she had to make.

-  
_Is she trouble  
Like I'm trouble  
Make it a double  
Twist of fate  
Or a melody that_  
-

Dib's eyes snapped open, remembering his sister standing above him, with an intent to kill. He saw purple hair on the person sitting next to his bed, but only turned to see Gretchen.

"Dib!" she knelt down next to the bed when she saw he was awake. "Are you alright?" He ignored that statement, recalling all what had happened.

"Where is she?" he asked, sitting up instantly and feeling for his guns. He didn't know why he was. Could he kill his own sister?

"Gaz?" Gretchen guessed. "She's downstairs Dib, making just as big a statement as you were. I guess it runs in the family. I have to say I agree with what she's saying, though I never have before."

Dib ignored the rest of what Gretchen was saying as he headed downstairs without any weapons.

_She could kill me, I know she could. But I couldn't kill her. Not again._

-  
_She sings the revolution  
The dawning of our lives  
She brings this liberation  
That I just can't define  
Well nothing comes to mind_  
-

"What makes you think that everyone wished this on you? There are people out there, completely oblivious to your peril, but if they knew, if someone told them, they would want to help. People are sympathetic that way." Dib rushed down to find Gaz pacing through the crowd, almost as he had when he was making a statement to them. "And just because someone is eager to do something to you doesn't mean that you should be just as eager to throw it back at them. What would be the point? That way, you are turning into the people you hated, even if you do have a good reason."

-  
_She's a rebel  
She's a saint  
She's salt of the earth  
And she's dangerous_  
-

They were not sure what to think. Dib had told them that no one cared. Dib knew for a fact that no one cared, but Gaz just seemed so confident that what she was saying was true that he almost wanted to shoot her, which meant it was a good thing he left his guns upstairs. She rebelled against everything that they had just started to believe.

Dib was shocked to realize that he believed her as well. If anyone was a saint, it would be her. Just from those words. When had she ever cared about life? Especially the lives of other people? He would have thought that she would be happy about killing others. In fact, if she was doing what he was, she would have perfected it so simply that there would be no target not dead.

He looked her over. She had grown. It had only been what, a year? She seemed more mature now, more understanding, which scared him. By her voice and what she had said to him earlier, she had seemed the same as when he had last left her, but now...? It was as he had deemed highly improbable. She was doing things for others. But why? That was not like her at all. What would have caused her to want to do something for someone else?

-  
_She's a rebel  
Vigilante  
Missing link on the brink  
Of destruction_  
-

"Gaz," he cut through the crowd, most of Gaz's words disappearing from people's thoughts as they saw their St. Jimmy. Gaz glared at him, knowing the effect that his presence has on his followers.

"What?" she didn't call out his name, for what reason Dib was not sure. The only ones who knew his real name were Gretchen and Sara and they kept silent about it. But she didn't call him Jimmy either. It was as if she was trying to tell him that neither applied to him anymore.

"We need to talk," he put his hand out and grabbed her shoulder without thinking. Dib wondered where he got the sudden courage from to even touch his sister, and whether she was going to kill him. But all she did was nod, not even seeming to care that he touched her as she followed him out of the crowd and outside.

-  
_She's a rebel  
She's a saint  
She's salt of the earth  
And she's dangerous_  
-

"What are you doing here Gaz?" he asked, leaning forward on the bridge and staring down off the bridge into the water. Gaz was leaning backwards on the railing and staring at the sky.

"Playing games does not get you payed," she said. "Dad's funds couldn't support, so I had to take action of myself."

"Is dad..." Dib couldn't bring himself to ask the question.

"Do you want him to be?" she eyed him without turning her head. "All he ever called you was his poor insane son."

"I'm not crazy!" he protested furiously. Gaz almost believed him with his intensity. But she knew the truth. Though he may have not been back then, he almost certainty was now. No one else could destroy an entire city and not remember but a madman.

"Do you?"

He continued to gaze at the water. "Yes. He should be alive. I want him to be."

"To what? Prove you wrong?" Gaz pushed at it harshly, not knowing how to broach the subject otherwise. She may have been different, but she had not mastered the niceties. "To tell you there are no aliens? That paranormal studies are stupid?"

"I'm not after that anymore Gaz," Dib closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Then what are you after?" she questioned.

"I don't know anymore," Dib's head lowered past the bar, his lengthened hair now covering his face. "I... think I'm going insane."

-  
_She's a rebel  
Vigilante  
Missing link on the brink  
Of destruction_  
-

She had turned to leave after the silence. Dib, trying to overcome his confession that he just started to realize, turned to stop her as she started to step away.

"You didn't answer my question," he said quietly. She stopped, facing him again. Her hair had lengthened itself, but she had cut it to near where it used to be. He was still taller than her, but she appeared to look straight at him. Not down at him and never up. Somehow, they were equals more than he had realized. "What happened to you Gaz?"

"I had to do what you wanted," she tried to spit the words out venomously, but they came out softer then intended. "To save people. I didn't mean to." She sighed and looked at the water that he was so fascinated in minutes before. "I realized people weren't all like I had imagined them. They weren't all stupid, just the intelligent ones had never been given a chance." Gaz looked back at him again. "But I've had my turn at killing. Dib, stop it. Don't go farther then you have. If you kill another innocent, I'll kill you myself." She unsheathed her swords and instantly had it at his throat. "That will have only proved to me that you are too far gone." She pulled her sword across his throat, with only a paper's width between the blade and his skin. She sheathed it again and started to walk.

"Where are you going?" he asked her, knowing he sounded desperate, but he was. He was just going to loose her again.

"Wherever the wind blows," she replied. "And at the moment it has died."

It was an absolute truth, for Dib didn't feel any wind against his face.

-_She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's dangerous_


	9. Extraordinary Girl

**"Extraordinary Girl"**  
-  
_She's an Extraordinary girl  
In an ordinary world  
And she can't seem to get away_  
-

She watched over him. He probably noticed at one point or another, but mostly he was oblivious. Why would he think that she was watching him? She had already given him her warning. He hadn't appeared to pay it much mind, but he didn't cross the line, which she was grateful for.

She didn't want to kill him. Maybe torture him, but not kill.

She also wanted to protect him, for some odd reason. Mostly so he'd still be alive to prove to her whether she was correct in letting him live.

"So..." he dragged out his first word. "Do you still mind people talking to you?"

"Yes," Gaz replied. Dib seemed a bit downcast, but she just turned away from him. "But sometimes I make an exception."

He appeared to take that as his cue to sit down next to her. It might have been a risk, the both of them on the roof, but Dib seemed pretty sure that the repairs done to it could support both of them. That was not the only risk however. They both stayed quiet for a while. Gaz did not say anything because both that Dib came up here to talk to her about something and it was more in character for her not to say anything to him. He would be more comfortable that way.

"Play many games lately?" he asked. She could have laughed. He had always been the last person to think about games, now would be no different.

"You wouldn't consider life a game," she responded. "I do. It isn't that different. Dad was right, video games create better hand-eye coordination and makes people ... better people... or whatever it was that he said."

"You never did..." he trailed off as she looked away from him. She didn't want to answer that question yet, not when it could still be used to her advantage. She wasn't sure how she could use it, but there had to be a way.

Gaz turned back to look at him. Dib was looking off down at the street far beneath them, the only life moving was residents of the hotel, which still was not much. She popped the headphones in her ears and turned it on, softly. The Mozart orchestra was a strange change from the GS beeping noises.

-  
_He lacks the courage in his mind  
Like a child left behind  
Like a pet left in the rain_  
-

He lit a cigarette. Gaz scowled, but didn't do anything about it. If all of her screaming in the past that it was going to give her black lungs from second-hand smoke didn't stop him then, he just must want cancer.

"I recognized that one girl," she said finally. "Gretchen?"

"Yeah," he blew out smoke, which Gaz turned her head from. "From skool."

"And she still likes you?" Gaz asked incredulously. "You would have thought that she would have hated you now, you're nothing like you were before."

Dib chuckled. "You would think."

"And you aren't going to take advantage of that?" Gaz rose an eyebrow. "She seems willing enough to except you, she always did."

"Not me," Dib flicked his cigarette and it flew down the the sidewalk. "She's willing to except something, but it's not me. She just doesn't seem to get the fact that she sees something other then me."

"Anyone could say that," Gaz stared off at the starry sky.

"Anyone..." Dib did not say anything else.

They sat in silence for a long time.

"Apparently you haven't gotten yourself a boyfriend," Dib commented.

"My only love will be Hell," Gaz narrowed her eyes. He didn't respond to that and she did not want to continue on that train of thought.

"You don't have to stay here," she managed. "You could come with me."

It was Dib's turn to look confused. Their eyes met. Gaz did her best to keep her hope out of her eyes. _Let him say yes. Damn it, I want things to be as normal as I can get it to be. I want things to be like they used to be._

"Why would I do that?" he questioned her, the last of the smoke escaping his mouth.

"Why...?" she laughed, not the harsh sound that it used to be, a soft laugh that wasn't mocking. "For the fun of it! Why have I ever done anything?"

-  
_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
She gets so sick of crying_  
-

She was alone again. She saw the direction, the road that would lead to back where she had come from. The old her would have taken that road, with little thought for this dead city.

He did not say yes. But he hadn't said no, either. She could leave him here, but she did not want to.

She stayed on the roof at night, even when he left. She felt more comfortable sleeping up here than inside. She gazed up at the stars, still trying to see what her brother had seen in them, a long, long time ago. They were just other suns, other galaxies. Other planets. From what Gaz had seen, not many races were intelligent. None of them were that much different from humans. Dib had been longing for something out there that did not exist. But now he found something on earth to occupy him, should she want to take that away from him?

"This is your fault," she whispered, feeling the anger in her rise again. It was selfish, she knew, like most of her actions. Miserably, she pushed the feeling away, leaving the emotion that she least wanted to feel. Again she felt the wetness side down her pale cheeks, chiding her for locking them away. Again she wiped them away, all sign of them gone with her sleeve. Shifting, she gathered her cloak around herself.

Gaz smiled. Without realizing it, she had complimented him. She was impressed by his moves. It was Dib and she hadn't even noticed.

The tears streaked unbidden down her face again. A scowl disrupting the short lived smile, Gaz lowered her hood over her face.

She was tired of caring.

-  
_She sees the mirror of herself  
An image she wants to sell  
To anyone willing to buy_  
-

He gave her a room, though it was obvious that she wasn't going to stay. She had told him that much herself. She did not even like to stay in strange rooms anymore, there was only one bed that she ever slept in anymore and it was not here. He had not responded to that, but did not take back the room either. She was sure there must be other people who would need that room, but mentioning that would bring up the fact that she was thinking about others again and she didn't need to remind him that she could be nice to others. She did not even want to remind herself of that.

So, to push her point in, Gaz finally decided to leave. She was becoming soft waiting for his answer.

She slipped in through his window. The light was on, but no one was there. Gaz knew that he would return here and she had no desire to try to find him, wherever he would be. She paced, but away from the bed. The bed smelled foul, just like the drugs that she had seen people take, the drugs that had no good came from. She wondered what exactly would drive people to it.

Gaz turned and nearly drew out her sword before she realized that no one was there. It was only a broken mirror, and the movement was her reflection. Gaz had never bothered to look at her reflection before, not really caring what she physically looked like to others. What they thought counted mean little to her.

Gaz was somewhat curious about what her appearance was. She was always behind her cloak and so could not ever see herself if she had come across a mirror. She unlatched the clasp on her cloak and drew it off of herself, letting the dark cloak drop to the ground and settle around her feet.

What she saw surprised her. She saw a young woman, not the angry anti-social girl that she remembered last looking at. Her body had curves, and not only from her muscles that she had to work at to be able to live. She was taller, mostly from her long legs, but her torso was a factor as well, lean from her workouts. Her hair she had cut herself, she still remembered when she had done it. She had not bothered to do anything with her hair, but then she felt it on her shoulders and figured that it might get in her way. She cut it off with her sword, not wanting to bother to look for scissors.

She hated that image on herself, and understood why she was always behind a cloak. All she wanted was to be able to play her games in peace. She didn't need this body for that. She only needed the muscle.

-  
_He steals the image in her kiss  
From her hearts apocalypse  
From the one called whatsername_

-

Dib came in just as Gaz was setting the cloak around her shoulders. She latched it and turned towards him, were he just stood with the door closed behind him.

"You're leaving," he guessed.

She nodded.

Dib looked around and then scratched his head. "I see..." He turned his eyes back towards her again. "You still haven't answered my question."

"And you still haven't answered mine," Gaz retorted.

"I asked first," Dib countered.

Gaz growled. She wasn't going to loose this fight. She always won.

"I'll only answer you're question when we're home."

"Guess I'll have to come home then, huh?"

Gaz paused, unable to think of something to say. "Did you... You'll come with me?"

"The Hotel is able to stand on it's own feet now," Dib let his eyes wander around the room. "The people here can fend fro themselves now. I'll need to pack, but there isn't much."

She felt overwhelming happiness, that normally she would ignore, but this time did not. She kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"Don't expect me to ever be nice to you again," she warned him.

"I would be disappointed if you were," he smiled.

-  
_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
She gets so sick of crying_  
-

"I'll also have to tell someone... maybe Sara," Dib continued. "Just so no one will wonder." He paused, now seeming unsure of himself.

"What made you St. Jimmy?" Gaz held up to him one of his guns. If she was going anywhere with him, she would need to know that.

"Lot's of things..." he took it.

"Don't be difficult," she frowned. "There is always one thing that pushes someone overboard."

He looked at her."I guess it's just that sometimes," he held the gun against his head. "I feel like ending it all."

Gaz nodded. She understood that. She had felt that when he had destroyed her life. He lowered the gun.

"But then I wonder why," he shrugged. "So as long as I'm to scared to pull the trigger and too miserable to want to continue to live, I'll be St. Jimmy. I can help other people."

"So you can," Gaz flashed a glance back at the mirror that hid halfway behind the curtains. _Not with that attitude, idiot._

"Which way will we be going?" he asked her.

"North," Gaz informed him. "It's going to be rainy."

He nodded and headed for his bed, getting down on his knees and reaching for something beneath it.

"You might take longer then you think," Gaz told him.

"Then do whatever..." he waved her off. "I'll... I'll meet you at the road leaving north."

"I'll only wait so long," she said, heading back out the window. "I'll see you there."

"See you, Gaz."

-  
_She's all alone again  
Wiping the tears from her eyes  
Some days he feels like dying  
Some days it's not worth trying  
Now that they both are finding  
She gets so sick of crying_  
-

It did not take Gaz long to gather the few things and finish up the unresolved business that she had around the city. She could not wait to get away from the city. The Dead city, the live one, it made no difference. Both made her skin crawl.

The North-South road was wet. She stood on the border of the city, all of the crippled houses looming up at her right shoulder. Gaz felt one drop of the misty rain penetrate her cover as she lowered her head, her hood coming down over her eyes. She stood there for some time. Impatient, Gaz brought up her hood to look for the sun. Turning around, she saw it disappear from view, the stars taking up it's slack.

"Must have gotten himself in trouble with that girl," Gaz grinned, wishing that she was there to see Dib having girl trouble. She never would have imagined it before, girls used to be at least smart enough to not like him.

She waited for a while longer into the night. The only noise came from the live city, whose cars and lights made an ugly imprint on the earth. Tears welled up in her eyes. Again.

He wasn't coming.

"You're a fucking liar Dib," she spat and ignoring her tears she headed north.

_I never thought that it would matter to me. I should have known the outcome though. He said he would come home once before and didn't. Why would it be any different now? Why? Time has changed so much... and yet it only took a few weeks to turn him into this, right in front of my eyes. I just gave him an excuse to leave and make it a permanent mark. Make himself so far gone that I can't reach down and save him. It just hurts too much to admit. What could I tell Dad? How could I tell him this?_

-  
_She's an Extraordinary girl  
An Extraordinary girl  
An Extraordinary girl  
An Extraordinary girl_

_-_

_Sorry, Dad. He's lost._


	10. Letterbomb

**"Letterbomb"**

-  
_Nobody likes you...  
Everyone left you...  
They're all out without you...  
Having fun...  
-_

_She wasn't here. Can't she see I can't leave? Why did she... why did... But she still left._

He was five. He had tried to turn the channel with the remote, though his small fingers were not sure where the buttons were. It took him ten minutes and his show had already started, but he found the channel. Just as he started to figure out what was going on, she came in and turned the channel to something else by mashing her fingers on the remote. He had tried to put it back, but she screamed pointing at whatever was on the screen. Their father came in and berated him for being mean to her. Dib was sent to his room.

Seven. He took one of the video cameras from the house to go to the old house on Venot street, where he was certain there was a ghost there. He climbed up on the boxes outside of the broken window in the back and waited there all night for some movement. Just before dawn he was rewarded. He managed to catch the ghosts movements in that room. An hour of footage! He had run when the ghost seemed to notice him. He had heard stories that the ghosts did not like pictures of themselves and he did not want to risk anything to happen to the film. He ran down the street to come across the kids from school at the bus stop, he had forgotten that it had been Sunday. He tried to show them that he actually had proof when the closest to him grabbed the camera and pulled out the film to break it. He missed school that day.

Nine. He stayed after school because of coming in late, when he had caught a signal near Mars. He had tried to convince his father that it was something. His father had to go to work though, and told him to show his pictures when he came home. But he was going on a business trip and was going to be gone for at least a week. He remembered when some of his peers would have to stay after school and their friends would stay behind with them. No one stayed behind that day, they seemed to be trying to get out faster. He stayed there for his due time, staring out the window, waiting for the aliens to beam him into space and take him away.

Twelve. The alien came. But not to beam him away. It did not matter, he knew this was his break. No one could deny a live specimen. The alien was stupid enough to just walk into his class and think to get away with a pity disguise of contacts and a wig. He saw right through it instantly. He pointed out the obvious, the facts that no one could ever miss. His classmates could. Slowly, he started to show them, and slowly they started to understand. Then his record caught up to him, reminded by the alien, and they laughed it off. He was deemed crazy. Again. He chased the alien out of spite.

_When did I forget what I was trying to accomplish?_

_-  
Where have all the bastards gone?  
The underbelly stacks up ten high  
The dummy failed the crash test  
Collecting unemployment checks  
Like a flunky along for the ride  
-_

He stood in front of the window trying to remember his name again. The window curtain was closed, to block out the sunlight, but every once in a while he would move the fabric by a hair to see what was outside. He did not need to know his birth name, that was not easy to forget. He did not have to think of what they called him here, because whenever he left his room and entered the rest of the Hotel that was all he heard. Dib and St. Jimmy just did not seem to fit anymore. Neither of them were him anymore. He did not belong here, nor there anymore. The biggest point in his life had already happened, and he had chosen the wrong path.

_-  
Where have all the riots gone  
As the city's motto gets pulverized?  
What's in love is now in debt  
On your birth certificate  
So strike the fucking match to light this fuse!  
-_

The Hotel was working smoothly. He had told them that he was not going to leave them, but he had also told them that they would have to get up on their own two feet. Many had jobs now, not only in the Hotel, but elsewhere, and some people even made it to the city. Even though they were fine on their own, they still needed him. He was a security blanket to them. They thought it was because they owed him so much, but really it was because of their own fears. Despite that, Dib was finding out that there was no place for St. Jimmy here. His area of expertise was only needed so long as there were people that no one cared about to die. There was not many of those people left, if any.

"Home is where your heart is..." Dib muttered. "What a shame..." He turned on his heel and left the curtain where it was, leaving a single line of light on the wall. He grabbed his coat, leaving his guns under the bed and headed out.

_-  
The town bishop is an extortionist  
And he don't even know that you exist  
Standing still when it's do or die  
You better run for your fucking life  
-_

"What are you doing in here?" Sara asked, turning to face him. Dib figured at first he was fortunate to find her whenever he wanted, now he wondered whether he had subconsciously memorized her schedule. "Your coat... another job? During the day? That's odd."

"Naw," Dib stood there in the doorway. "It's really nothing at all..."

Sara actually looked concerned, which was a big step up for caring for her. "Close the door," she told him, turning back to finish what she was doing. He did so.

"I had a dream last night," he told her.

"Really," she did not turn around, she just sounded amused. "Was it a good dream or a nightmare?"

"I don't know," Dib shrugged, though she obviously could not see it. "I dreamed I set this place on fire."

Sara paused. "And that's not a nightmare?"

"Well, from my point in the dream, it wasn't," Dib admitted.

She stood up straight and was about to turn around when she halted.

Dib opened the door. "I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I keep bothering you. I'll be off."

"Dib-" Sara started as Dib closed the door behind him. He was about to open it again and say something, but just headed down the stairs. Dib was the person she hated, right? Dib was the person that everyone hated.

_-  
It's not over 'till you're underground  
It's not over before it's too late  
This city's burnin'  
It's not my burden  
It's not over before it's too late  
-_

"How are you doing, Zeph?" Dib asked. Zeph nearly jumped, but Dib could not blame him. Anyone would have done that, considering no one had ever seen him outside during daylight before.

"Jimmy!" he turned, his shock turning to a smile. "What brings you out?"

"I don't know," Dib looked over the street. The buildings over there were a complete mess, the Hotel almost a fatal contrast from it's surroundings. "I guess I felt like something different today."

"Today is always the day to try something new," Zeph agreed, turning his gaze across the road as well.

"Well, you can't really decide to do it yesterday," Dib's thoughts turned back to the fire in his dream. He pulled out a cigarette and went on a quest through his pockets for his lighter. Zeph pulled his own out and lit it for him. "Thanks."

"No prob," Zeph replied. Dib smiled at him before facing up towards the sun, a stranger to him now. They stood in silence for a while, one of the reasons that Dib liked Zeph. He was not one of the complete slaves here. Dib swore that most would jump off of a bridge if he told them that they would make it, no matter what logic told them. The flame from the lighter stood out perfectly in Dib's mind. He knew what was going to happen, he could still remember. He wondered what would happen if he changed his course of events before they happened.

"I'm leaving," he told Zeph.

Zeph blinked, it not sinking in immediately. "You're... leaving?"

Dib nodded. "I think that the Hotel can stand up without me around. It would be best if the people here started to spread out a bit. This place was meant for people to begin again, not end up at."

"But-" Zeph stopped when someone hugged him from behind.

"Hey Zeph! Oh! Jimmy!" Damon was also surprised to see Dib there. He did not go over and hug Dib as he hugged Damon, probably not sure whether or not he would be allowed. The two of them talked, normally accompanied by Gretchen, but Damon never hugged him. Dib didn't mind.

"Hey Damon," Dib smiled, feeling the sun burn on the back of his neck. He had grown pale from his nightly outings, but never realized it. Dib remembered all of the times that he had run after his paranormal creatures in the broad sunlight.

_I guess I have to get out during the day more._

"Jimmy! Sis has been looking for you!"

"Has she?" Dib smirked.

"Have I?" came Gretchen's voice from behind Zeph.

Zeph laughed, picking up Damon. "You're in trouble, Jimmy!"

"Zeph, I wanted to show you what I found over the fence!" Damon protested. He turned towards Dib. "You can come too Jimmy!"

Dib shook his head and leaned back against the railing. "Maybe later Damon. You two go on." The two nodded and Damon made his noisy goodbye as Zeph just waved as they left.

_-  
There's nothing left to analyze  
-_

"I suppose you're tired of people asking why you're out here," Gretchen leaned back on the railing as well. She ignored his cigarette, a first for her.

"Actually, I haven't talked to that many people," Dib assured her. "Though I suppose you'll want an answer."

"If you don't oppose to giving one," she replied turning her face towards him.

Dib laughed harshly, for in his mind his answer was far from funny. "I suppose I could tell you just what I told Zeph, I'm leaving the Hotel."

"Why?" Gretchen exclaimed.

Dib sighed. "I could lie and tell you that it is completely because I think that these people need to stand up on their own two feet again, and that they can do that now. That would be an unselfish reason for doing it and true. Or else I could tell you the truth, I don't care anymore, Gretchen."

"You don't care..." Gretchen's eyes narrowed, trying to understand what he was telling her. Dib knew that she would try to deny it, she was the one who used to candy-coat everything he did with reasons, even when there were none. Especially when there was none.

"It's not abandoning," Dib tried to explain. "They need this. But I... just don't think I can stay here anymore." He stopped then, preparing himself for the barrage of protests to come.

But they did not come.

Gretchen nodded, though her face showed her sadness. "You saved us. You saved us all from the horrible fates that were going to consume us. But while you are doing that, you are digging all of our graves just to bury yourself in each one. If you stay here much longer, you'll be gone. All of you, not just parts of you. And no one will be able to help you then." She shook her head. "But... are you sure? There is nothing that could be done for you to stay?"

"Believe me Gretchen," Dib lifted up her face. "If I stay, this place will go down in flames."

_Literally._

Throwing the cigarette on the ground and crushing it under his heel, he left her there and headed back into the Hotel.

_-  
Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself?  
And where will we all go when it's too late?  
-_

He passed the family in the hall that were signing themselves up for jobs to stay there. Dib realized, this way, they would never meet him. Other people who came here would never see him. There were people who came here weeks ago and he had not met some of them. He was not necessary, he hadn't been necessary for some time.

He started up the stairs, which had no more holes in them. They had all been fixed, though there was one step which no on used, still very weak. Dib skipped it, like everyone else. Where was he going to go? That would have been smart to have thought of before saying he was leaving. His room was near the top and each step seemed to condemn him. _For what? Making the right decision for once?_

He opened the door to find Sara there, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Alright," she scowled. "Are you going to tell me what's going on or not?"

_-  
And don't look back  
-_

"I'm going," is what he told her, as he reached under his bed for whatever he could grab.

"Going," Sara responded flatly. Dib's fingers felt the smooth handle of his 22. caliber handgun. He wondered whether or not he should bring it. He also wondered why he was not sure about bringing it. In fact, he wasn't sure about bringing any of his guns. Gaz had been right. He should have left with her.

"What?" Dib asked, missing what Sara had just said.

"You can't take this city on your own without causing trouble! You're such a self-possessed jerk Dib," Sara repeated.

"Ah," Dib stood up, the gun in hand. "What makes you say that?"

"You're going, but you don't wonder whether the people here still need you," she said sharply.

"They don't," Dib told her simply.

"Maybe not to do anything, but your presence. The people here feel more secure with you around. The people-"

"Don't know anything," Dib snapped. "The people need to learn how to stand on their own feet. They already know the harsh world, know they're learning how to live in it."

"How can you say that?" Sara asked, appalled. "They know a lot, many more than what their age shows! They-"

"Sara!" he shouted at her, but that did not stop her.

"They at least know to stick together! If you opened up more to people, you dolt, it would be easier!"

Dib suddenly realized why he always had gone to her to talk. She never bowed down in defeat to what he told her. She never let him have his way if she completely disagreed with it. But if it was his choice and not hers, she let him go.

"Are you going to answer me or not?" she snapped at him. "'Oh, _Sara_! You are absolutely right!'"

He walked up to her. She backed up into the wall. Dib remembered that he was holding the gun, but ignored the fact as Sara did not seem to be doing.

"Dib-"

He cut her off with a rouge kiss on the lips. Her eyes widened, but she didn't try to push him away. He pulled away just as sudden as he had forced himself on her.

"When did you start calling me Dib again?" he asked, with a smirk.

"You don't get it!" she shouted at him.

"Sara, I kill people."

"For a reason, as stupid as it might be in your mind. It never stopped you before."

Dib shook his head, feeling suddenly empty. "No. I destroyed everything. I destroyed my home, I destroyed yours. I destroyed skool. I destroyed the innocent people who were going about their everyday business. People that I hadn't even met. People that might have accepted me and my own likes and dislikes. The likes and dislikes that no one else would. I slaughtered them all."

Sara just stood there, staring up at him. Her eyes widened even more, but she did not say anything. He put the handgun her her hands, wrapping her fingers around the handle.

"I'm afraid I'll do that again," Dib backed away, no longer pining her against the wall. "For no reason. These people deserve more. For their sake's Sara, don't tell them this." He opened the door, paused for a moment to see if she would do anything, and left.

_-  
You're not the Jesus of Suburbia  
The St. Jimmy is a figment of  
Your father's rage and your mother's love  
Made me the idiot America  
-_

_I guess I could always go back into paranormal, just for myself. I was always fortunate at that. I could always find it, just couldn't gather the proof well enough. There is not anything else that I can go back to. The person who tried to save everyone at home only succeeded in watching people suffer. The savior here kills as many people as he saves, if I'm even saving them at all. Nothing I've ever done has ever amounted to anything. I guess I should have gone into Real Science as Dad...funny, I still don't know whether he's still alive or not. I never made her answer that._

_I'm such an idiot._

_-  
It's not over 'till you're underground  
It's not over before it's too late  
This city's burnin'  
It's not my burden  
It's not over before it's too late  
-_

He could just imagine his dream. The Hotel burning down from his own hand. He knew now it would not occur. Whatever happened with the Hotel now was not his burden. He could stick around in town to watch on them, just not with them knowing it. He could make them safe and able to do things themselves at the same time. There was not that many people he could talk to now.

He could just imagine his next dream. He would have set himself on fire. He would die in pain, all alone, in some run down place under the ground.

_-  
She said I can't take this place  
I'm leaving it behind  
-_

Dib paused. He could turn back for one last glimpse of the Hotel, but he decided that it would be best if he did not.

"Dib!" Gretchen did not seem to care who heard her, but Dib did not care who knew what his name was anymore.

"Gretchen?" he asked, not moving. He could hear her hard breathing from running down the street to catch up with him.

"You're leaving now?" she sounded lost, as he had heard so many people sound before they found a place to stay.

"Yeah," he answered. "No sense in sticking around, is there?"

"Can I come with you?" came her instant question. Dib turned around to look at her. She liked him still, he knew that. But he had not been aware of how much she had been holding on to the hope he would accept. _She wouldn't think the same if she knew the truth._

"Don't worry, I'll be around," he smiled. "Just not so close." He turned around again, not before catching one last glance at the place he thought that he could have called home.

_-  
Well she said I can't take this town  
I'm leaving you tonight_


	11. Wake Me Up When September Ends

**"Wake Me Up When September Ends"**  
-

--One and a Half Years Later--

-  
_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

The days were becoming shorter, becoming cooler as summer ended giving way to autumn. The calender showed all of the anniversaries, each day would mean something different to someone else. Dib looked at the calender and saw that his anniversary was today. It was the day that he destroyed the one place he would now never know whether he could have belonged. It gave him nightmares every time he closed his eyes. Not while he slept, for he could never remember when that was.

_-  
Like my fathers come to pass  
Seven years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

He tried to remember when he still had hope. That had to of been seven years ago, when _he_ landed on earth. For some strange reason, no matter how hard he tried, Dib could not get mad at his memory of him. In fact, he couldn't even remember his name, though he was pretty sure that it started with a Z. It had been seven months since that woman from the Hotel stopped seeing him, and it had been five months since he started to forget. He though that this had happened before, but he could not remember.

But it was September. He hated September. Well, he did not hate it, he just could not stand to remember what had happened then. So, in his desperate mind to make September not happen, he drank himself into a friendly place he liked to call oblivion, just like he did last September.

And would wait until September ended and it was not as bad to live.

_-  
Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are  
-_

The weather was turning for the worse again. He hugged his coat around him, wishing for the warm degrees of the summer. His hood covered the black mass on his head, but it would not protect him from the upcoming rainstorm. He headed for the light, hoping that the owner there would not be opposed to him asking questions.

"Pretty much killing himself," the man answered his question, pointing towards the staircase, giving him a key. He thanked the man (a major contrast from his former self!) and headed up the stairs. There were only so many rooms in the small place, enough for three renters. One had loud music blaring from the door, which was opened, enough to make him scowl and pass the door without even looking in. It was so distasteful that even if it was the person he was looking for he would have ignored him and gone back the way he came. The next door, as he rested his head against the wood to hear, had a few thuds and giggling from a female. He doubted that was the right room and headed towards the last.

He again rested his head against the door, only to hear nothing. He whipped out the key with his gloved hands and unlocked the door, allowing him to say it only took one try to open the correct door.

The inside of the room was a mess, objects everywhere. It stank of the objects that he had tried to keep himself away from. Lying on the ground, a mess, was the person that he had been looking for.

"Dib," Zim sighed, kneeling down to his former nemeses. "I should never have left. You wouldn't be looking so pathetic now."

Dib did not reply, he just squinted his eyes up at Zim and then closed them, as if convinced he was hallucinating him.

Zim clicked his tongue as he slipped the bottle out of the human's unconscious fingers. "You were mine to destroy," he muttered softly, not much venom in his words. "Mine! But you destroyed my missions, what was left of it, what was keeping me interested. And then you rob me of the satisfaction of making you suffer for it." He picked Dib up, taking off his sunglasses to be able to see the room better, searching for the bed. There was a couch, completely covered in garbage. Zim hissed, bringing out one spider leg to wipe everything off of it's surface. He lied the Dib down on it, looking around for a pillow. He found it (under the couch) and lifted Dib's head to slide it underneath.

He stopped. "Look what you've done to me!" he shouted at the one who could not hear him, dropping his head back on the couch. "Caring! Helping! This is not the life of an Invader!" Zim did not remind himself that he hadn't been an Invader for years, even before Dib had snapped. "This is all of your fault!"

He paced back and forth, only two or three paces each direction, fuming. He then strode over to the mini-fridge and opened it to see only ice. Which is what he was looking for. He scooped it out and ripped of a piece of the curtain, whom he figured did not need it. Wrapping it around the ice, he set it on Dib's forehead. He cursed himself again, right after doing it.

"I hate you," he said to Dib, without much feeling. He then proceeded to get rid of the nauseating fumes.

_-  
As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

He head pounded, trying to stab him with his own brains. Dib groaned, sitting up, feeling sick. His body screamed for another fix, so much so that he acquiesced immediately, feeling in his pockets for it. He froze. There was nothing. He emptied every pocket, at least looking for an empty bag. It was not there. Panicking, he got up to try and find his stash.

"Sit down, worm-baby," came a voice. There was someone standing in the corner who came and pushed him down on on the couch. "Don't look for your "candy" I got rid of it. All of it. And your disgusting rat poison and your flammable drink. All gone."

"What?" Dib was torn between horror, anger, irritation, sadness, and the fact that he recognized this person. The person sighed and pulled back his hood, showing his green face.

"You're a mess," he told Dib. "I could only get close to you with so much water before I got sick of it."

Dib ignored him, remembering the person standing in front of him. "I know you," he managed.

"Of course-" the person paused, apparently aware of how much Dib did remember him. Dib knew he should be placing him somewhere in his memory and it was still there, it was just clouded with the residue of the drugs and alcohol.

"You don't remember me?" the person narrowed his eyes behind his sunglasses, but he sounded offended.

"Yes I do," Dib countered. "You are... Z... Zi... Zi..." he trailed off, trying to recall.

"Zim," Zim said. "The alien you tried many a year to expose, but as your entire race is somewhat of a disappointment, it never worked."

It was coming back to him, slowly. He nodded.

_-  
Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

"And you... rid me of everything?" Dib tried to process it through his mind. He needed that drug.

"I know addicts have withdrawal with what they have become addicted too," Zim began. "I hope you won't be that much of a trouble, because you are not getting any more of it. You will have cravings, most definitely, irritability, trouble sleeping, fatigue, depression, trouble breathing, dizziness, sore throat, trouble concentrating, restless behavior, troubled dreams, and slow reactions." He paused, looking Dib over. "I know how to fix most of that, so-"

"Fix it?" Dib asked incredulously, I did not ask you to do anything, so if you'd give me my stuff and leave, I would appreciate-"

"There is your trouble concentrating," Zim commented. "But if you are unconscious through most of it I do not have to deal with any of it and you will just have the bad dreams. One out of twelve is a good thing."

"What-" Dib suddenly felt dizzy, as he saw the dark form of Zim walk up to him. He felt his eyes close and darkness sweep over him.

When he woke up, he felt even more horrible then he had before. Eyes still tightly shut, he reached over for his bottle, only to have a glass placed in his hand. He gladly went to pour the liquid down his scratchy throat, only to cough on the tasteless substance.

"What is that?" he managed to croak, spitting it out.

"Watch it!" came Zim's exclamation. "Remember, no hitting Zim with water?"

Dib recalled Zim coming in and stared at the clear substance irritably. Before saying anything, his mind cleared almost instantly, almost so instantly that he could have passed out. He had not felt so clear headed for years, most of the fog was dying and he could recall the past year, and most importantly when Zim had come in.

"Well?" came the alien's annoyed tone.

"Zim," Dib said, looking over at him. He would have to say, despite the still green skin, Zim's disguise was much better then it ever had been. "Why did you come here?"

"Because," he responded simply. "I promised I would."

_-  
Ring out the bells again  
Like we did when spring began  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

He seemed much better, a relief to Zim. At first, his long sleep was a relief to Zim, but then he was afraid that he had hit him too hard. The human was pale and sick, but he had not asked for anything yet, and for that he was grateful.

"You're alive," Dib said, pulling his legs up in front of his chest.

"Of course I am," Zim narrowed his eyes. "You didn't think that much could happen to Zim in two years!"

Dib narrowed his eyes as well. "Two years...?"

Zim swallowed. He did not remember. That in some ways made it easier to speak with him, but that meant, when he remembered... well, something would happen.

"I visited you when you were in that hotel," Zim waved it off, not recalling what they had called the place. "You were pretty out then, so I don't blame you if you don't remember."

"You don't blame me," Dib laughed. "When have you ever been... so... like this?"

Despite his lack of details, Zim knew exactly what Dib was talking about. There was not much different about him, except him. Zim was the different part of Zim. He wished that it did not have to be so, but it had been the only way to survive on this planet.

"For a while," Zim replied. "I have a pretty sketchy picture of what you've been doing, Dib, especially from your sister."

"My...sister..." Dib looked as if he did remember, but he still seemed lost. Zim was about to name off things about Gaz, but then decided it would be best if Dib remembered if for himself.

"I worked for your father for a year," Zim leaned back against the hard couch.

"Dad?" Dib was shocked. "He's alive?"

"Oh, yes," Zim nodded. "His hands were damaged though, and it took a while for the Professor to gather people to do the work for him. His mind is still as brilliant, for a human, as ever. I could have done very well if I just stayed there, he recognized my inevitable science genius."

"He's alive," Dib chuckled, resting his chin on his knees.

"I said that," Zim frowned. He decided not to dwell on it, considering Dib was still on his withdrawal sequence, it was most likely a part of his trouble concentrating. He sighed and tossed Dib over a package, which Dib brought his hands up and nearly caught it, it landing on the couch in front of him.

"Eat it," he commanded, going over to close the window. The week he had stayed here got rid of most of the fumes, but they were still there. He had scrubbed the entire place clean, but it was still there. He would have kept the window open, but this year the cold was coming quickly and he was starting to feel it. Zim looked back over his shoulder as Dib nibbled absentmindedly at the food he had given him. After this, he would try to get him to sleep. Then, next time he woke up, Zim would take his hand at making waffles.

He missed the days of chase and run.

_-  
Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are  
-_

The patter of the rain outside made the other twitch. Dib was feeling better this time, he had barely woken up when he was told to eat again, a plate of waffles being shoved in his face. He ate them, but he was painfully reminded of Zim's robot. Zim did not say that much, absorbed with his own waffles, but Dib could tell he was thinking about the same thing.

"It doesn't look like the rain is going to be leaving soon," Dib commented, though his throat still was sore.

"Then you're stuck with me for as long as the rain is," Zim replied. "I hope you still have that strong will that you used to, filthy human, for I won't be baby sitting you all winter. I'll be going back."

"To dad?"

"Maybe, Dib," Zim put a small piece of waffle in his mouth. "Maybe."

_-  
As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

He could recall that annoying robot. The high pitched voice sometimes haunted him during the days and nights. He remembered the squeaking from his super weapon, the one he was so close to perfecting. He remembered the bored tone of the voice over the intercom. None of them were living creatures, with flesh and organs, but they were a family, something Zim learned the meaning of during his time on this planet. He missed them with an ache in the place Dib accused him once of not having, a heart. Especially the SIR unit that his Tallests told him was a fake.

Sometimes, Zim had wanted to just shut off his pak, himself hidden in a place that by the time someone found him he would not come to. It seemed such a pleasing prospect that he had almost done it at one time. He was tapped on the head with a sword sheath. She had asked him whether he was just giving up. Of course he was not! He was a proud being of the Irken Empire (though he no longer existed according to them, but she had not had to be reminded of that) and an Invader to boot! He would never give up!

She had nodded, as if pleased with that answer. She left, and he had followed, as so to find out what had happened to her. The tone in her voice nearly made him think that she cared.

_-  
Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends  
-_

He could feel Zim's glare on him intensify as he lit the cigarette. Dib knew it was a bad habit, but trying to ditch three things at once was not working for him. He found the pack under the couch cushions, and since it was the one thing that did not play with his memory, he decided to make it easier on himself and take it up again. Zim obviously did not approve, but he must of understood it on some level, because he did not try to take it away.

"The rain's supposed to let up tomorrow, and be gone for a few days," Zim mentioned. Dib nodded, the smoke refreshing him.

"I'm leaving then."

Dib blinked, looking back over at Zim. He had gotten so used to the alien being there, over however long the time period had been. Why he was here, Dib couldn't get anymore out of him then he had promised to.

"You sure?"

"Yes," Zim sighed irritably. "I can't stand this smoke you are belching. If you are taking it up again, I won't stick around for it. I just hope you have enough common sense to stay away from the other stuff, if you have to be doing this."

"Don't worry Zim," Dib smiled. "I think I know better now. Not about to put myself in that circle again."

Zim nodded, before he realized what Dib had said. "Wait! Zim is not worried!" he scowled, a face commonly seen by Dib. "I just don't want all of my hard work to-"

"I know Zim," Dib said, stopping the other's rant.

"Good," Zim crossed his arms.

"Yes, I know," Dib put a hand on his shoulder. "And you know what?"

"What?" Zim asked.

"Thank you."

_-  
Like my father's come to pass  
Twenty years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends  
Wake me up when September ends  
Wake me up when September ends_

_-_

"I'm leaving," Zim put on his sunglasses and put up his hood. "You should leave this town Dib, it'd be good for you." He turned the doorknob and stepped out the door getting ready for a speedy travel, the last thing he wanted was to be caught out in the open with the rain.

"Wait!" Dib called out after him. The Irken stopped, and turned back towards him.

"What?"

"What is today's date?" It was an odd question, but Dib had been sleeping so much recently, it was obvious that he would not know it.

"September seventeenth," Zim told him.

"I'm twenty today then," Dib smiled sadly. "And I can't remember half of my life."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, only two more chapters left. Green Day has just flown past. Hopefully you readers out there have enjoyed it, or else what point would it have been? Anyways, r&r, like always, and keep alert for the next chapter! Whenever that will be...

Dib: I'm a drug addict and suicidal? Do you even know me?

Me: Er... it is for the fans. No offense to you, but they like it.

Dib: What! Do they know me? I'd never do any of that!

Zim: Zim-what? Zim is going to shoot himself now.

Dib: See, he's the suicidal one.

Me: And this is why I did not let you two comment on this before. The Tallest would be more accommodating. At least Gaz is not here.

Gaz: ...what the- click of a gun

Me: running for the hills


	12. Homecoming

**"Homecoming"**  
-  
**_Part 1: The death of St. Jimmy_**  
_My heart is beating from me  
I am standing all alone_

_Please call me only if you are coming home  
-_

_I had a feeling you would read this. I told you only to look here if you were leaving, so this had better be good. It will be a big step for you to get out of this town, but if you do, I'll be waiting for you. You will be able to find me, don't worry, because I will find you. I do not break my promises. But, please Dib, only come and find me if you are going home._

_Zim_

_-_

_Waste another year flies by  
Waste a night or two  
You taught me how to live_

_-_

_Should I?_ He mused, looking the letter over. He did owe Zim a lot. And how could Zim know if he even went to find this note? Zim was just waiting, not even sure if Dib was even going to think about it. Or he was so sure that he was going to leave, because he had to always be right, that he told him where it was just so he could buy some time to find him. But if he was going to find him, how was he going to do that? Did he know which direction Dib was going to leave in? Or was he taking it for granted, like he used to do often?

And what about himself? Should he leave? Dib wondered why he was even unsure on the subject. Sure, he would waste another year here, doing nothing, or he could try to fix the mess he made out of his life. That would only take a night or two here to gather things and tie up loose ends. Zim had reminded, no, he had completely forgot, so Zim had taught him again what he needed to do, what he needed to leave behind.

The people he needed to head to.

All of the past reasoning flew out of his head as Dib seriously contemplated suicide.

_-  
In the streets of shame  
Where you've lost your dreams in the rain  
There's no signs of hope  
The stems and seeds of the last of the dope  
-_

"I can't face that again," Dib said softly and the soft rain drowned it out. The rain also drowned the hope that Zim was watching him. It must have been a lie, he could not be waiting for him here, or anywhere. He frantically tried to remember, but it was not coming. He could not go back like that. She had a name and he had to remember it. But as he continued walking down the street. Nothing came to him. The past dream of going back died. He could not go back.

Out of habit, his fingers searched through his pockets, right before he swore. He was not going back to those bad habits, he was not going to go through the hell of waiting for his fixes, he could do just as well without it. He no longer felt sad, he felt frustrated with himself, as if the final truth was setting in. There was no hope for him, by the age of seventeen he had managed to ruin his life to the point of no return. Still, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, the smoke being drowned by the rain.

_-_

_There's a glow of light  
The St. Jimmy is the spark in the night  
Bearing gifts and trust  
The fixture in the city of lust  
-_

He stepped back into the somewhat familiar streets, the street lights barely shedding any light on the black filth that surrounded him on the street. In the distance, he saw the Hotel. He wanted to believe that he had saved the people there, but were the people he killed worth that? He was not sure what he had been thinking back then, but it had seemed well enough at the time.

Thinking it over as he walked away from it and towards the bridge, he had saved them. As long as that was what they thought, that was what was true. He had given them something to cling to in the city of the Dead, the gift of hope, the thing that they had needed the most. The last he remembered hearing from Gretchen about the Hotel was that his gifts had let them be able to save many more people, he could remember the exact number.

He cursed again. He remembered why Gretchen had not come back. He had told her not to. Overall, it was the best thing for her to do, keep her as far away from him as possible, but it still had hurt her badly. And the social animal in him wished that he had not done it as well, leaving him with no one to talk to in his last days. For he was absolutely certain that he was not going to allowed anymore then a few more.

He stopped as he saw someone on the bridge. What made him pause was not that fact that someone was there, it was the fact that the person looked like him. He blinked as he then recalled the name of the person who looked like him.

Zeph.

_-_

_What the hell's your name?  
What's your pleasure and what's your pain?  
Do you dream too much?  
Do you think what you need is a crutch?  
-_

_Dib._

"Zeph, nice to see you again," he said. Zeph nearly fell of the bridge, grabbing on the railing and turning to face him.

"Who is it?" he asked, nervously.

Dib noticed the desperation in Zeph's eyes. He was just as far gone as he was. "Well, you used to know me as Jimmy, but my real name is Dib."

Zeph's face turned into one of shock. "Jimmy?"

Dib walked up next to Zeph and leaned against the railing. "Nice to see you too Zeph.

_My pleasure is, was, being needed. My pain is being ignored._

Zeph calmed down. "What brings you back here?"

Dib shrugged. "I needed to think."

"About what?" Zeph frowned, looking at the water. "This isn't the best place to go and think about things you know."

"It is for me," Dib replied.

_No, I need those dreams. What else do I have to hold on to?_

"You seem to be not doing well," he said to the other. Zeph looked at him for a bit before letting out a small laugh.

"If you must know," he pulled a gun out of his pocket, "I came here to kill myself, but have lost the nerve to do it."

"Why?" Dib rose an eyebrow.

"It just doesn't seem worth it, all this pain," he shook his head, his black scythe covering his left lens. "I have so many health problems, and nothing seems to help. I hate it."

"So..." Dib looked the gun over. "You're just going to kill yourself?"

"I would," Zeph assured him. "If I wasn't so afraid of pain. I'm scared that the pain might keep me alive. It was why I was going to take this way out."

_Is it?_

_-_

_In the crowd of pain_

_St. Jimmy comes without any shame  
He says "we're fucked up"  
But we're not the same  
And mom and dad are the ones you can blame  
-_

"Right," Dib threw his cigarette off the bridge.

"You going to stop me?" Zeph looked at him suspiciously.

"No, it's your decision," Dib turned back to face him. "If you want to end it that badly, I can't think of anything that will make you reconsider, well, anything in words."

"Good," Zeph breathed, seeming to prepare himself for his actions. He stopped and pushed his glasses back up to look at Dib. "What are you really doing here?"

Dib gathered his hair straight up above his head. He pulled out his pocket knife and cut his hair, leaving the majority of it on the ground. He looked up at Zeph.

"We look the same now," he smirked, as Zeph looked shocked. "We're both fucked up, but we are definitely not the same. I'm having second thoughts about the wonderful offers of death."

"You're... going to commit suicide?" he sounded lost.

"So are you," Dib said. "But I am just so confused, it doesn't seem worth it... at least, not for a little bit, I want to think something over for a bit."

_-  
Jimmy died today  
He blew his brains out into the bay  
In the state of mind_

_It's my own private suicide_  
-

Zeph stayed quiet for a while, then laughed softly again.

"Sorry," he said when Dib looked at him. "It's just that you... you seemed so strong to me, able to handle the world. To hear you have the same problem as I do... makes one think. We could be more alike then you think."

Dib knew better then that. If Zeph gave himself a chance, he would have a chance in this world. But since he was not, he was doomed to his fate. Not that Dib believed in fate.

"Would you mind if I borrowed this?" Dib asked, taking the gun from Zeph's hands.

"W-" Zeph paused, his eyes widening as Dib checked that there was one bullet. Dib put the gun up against his black hair and pulled the trigger.

_Sorry... whoever you are._

-  
**_Part 2: East 12th St._**  
_Well nobody cares  
Well nobody cares  
Does anyone care if nobody cares?  
-_

_He'll have to substitute that equation for x2 and then put that in the computer for the results. While that is going on she will have to carefully monitor the chemical system in-_

"Sir, should I let her in?"

Membrane glared as his concentration was broken. "I don't care."

_-  
Jesus filling out paperwork now  
At the facility on east 12th st.  
He's not listening to a word now  
He's in his own world  
And he's daydreaming  
-_

His newest second assistant left him alone, probably going to tell her to go in if she wanted to. Membrane went back to his reports. With his damaged hands, the only thing that he could do with them anymore was type down his instructions for the scientists to do in the lab. His hands were not steady enough to trust around the chemicals or machinery, something that tore at his heart each day that passed.

He remembered when he was able to benefit the world with his inventions. It was all that he ever wanted to do, play with the scientific method. It just so happened that he thought of the unknown and could help people with his inventions. Even if it hadn't, he would still only want his science, helping mankind became a bonus for him. Now he could not even just play with his science experiments. In his new lab, he just gave suggestions for others to be able to do in the actual labs. It almost made him loathe his equations. People constantly came to pester him, and all he wanted to do was write down the equations, because he would never be able to do anything else. So, he ignored them. After a while, they would go away.

_-  
He'd rather be doing something else now,  
Like cigarettes and coffee with the underbelly,  
His life's on the line with anxiety now,  
And she had enough,  
And he had plenty  
-_

"Dad, I hear you're in a bad mood," she came in. Membrane sighed, he should always tell these secretaries to not say that to her. Now he would have to explain himself to his daughter, and that was becoming harder and harder to do.

"You're back," he said, pressing a shaking hand on one of the buttons to save his process before he turned to her. "Are you staying this time?"

She stayed quiet, her medievally clothed form still in thought. "You did not answer my question."

"Now, now, daughter," he gave her a smile. "If you heard that from Sinnej, you know that it has to be true."

"So you're not going to like what I'm going to say," she stated plainly.

Membrane's heart sank. "Is it about Dib?"

She shook her head. "No, it's not. Zim has not come back. There's been a large rainstorm in the south, so he's either in hiding, or he's not coming back."

He patted his knee as she came over and sat on his lap, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine. He will bring him back. It's just a delay by the rain, as you said, little angel."

"I've had enough of this," she whispered hoarsely. "Why the hell wouldn't he come back?"

_-  
Somebody get me out of here  
Anybody get me out of here  
Somebody get me out of here  
Get me the fuck right out of here  
-_

"He will, Zim will bring him back," he soothed her as she regained her composure.

"I'm staying," she said finally. "Zim might come soon. He might come with him."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I know that you don't like it here."

"I'm sure," she nodded, averting her eyes. "I know you don't like it here either Dad."

_-  
So far away  
I don't want to stay  
Get me out of here right now  
I just wanna be free  
Is there a possibility?  
Get me out of here right now  
This life like dream ain't for me_  
-

_Was it that obvious?_ Membrane wondered as he watched his youngest child fall asleep on the window sill, the television on quietly, but still flashing it's program. He had tried to make it seem as if this had made him content, but she was not fooled. He did not know why he wasn't, this was obviously the closest he could get to his dream anymore. As far away as it was, there was nothing he could do about it, though he spent many hours pouring over theories for hand surgeries that might be able to help him. None of them seemed to be able to fix what they considered fixed to the best of their abilities.

Everything that was happening seemed so real, but he had started to wonder whether he was imagining all of this. It was to real, too harsh of a reality for him. He had started there and had dug himself out of it, so why was he back where he started? This time, there was not a path forward for him. But he could always clear the paths forward for his children.

-  
**_Part 3: Nobody likes you!_**  
_I fell asleep while watching spike TV  
After 10 cups of coffee  
And you're still not here  
-_

Zim blinked his eyes, only then realizing that he was not awake. That confused him, what had just occurred to his body. Sleep was not something that happened to Irkens, but Zim had watched Gir do it enough to finally realize what had happened to him. It reminded him of the Irken shut down, but it was different. You could still think that you were awake. He reached across him for his coffee, only to realize that it was cold. Scowling, he brought out a laser and aimed it in the cup, making instant hot coffee. Coffee and waffles was his main diet, but coffee did not remind him of Gir, so he had that more often. He tried to remember what he had actually been doing before the sleep had claimed him.

_Was Dib coming? He isn't here._

_-_

_Dreaming of a song  
But something went wrong  
But I can't tell anyone  
'Cause no one's here  
-_

To pass the time, Zim tried to remember his dream, only to fail miserably. He could only recall snatches of it, which confused him greatly. Why couldn't he think of it? He could recall most everything else that had happened in the past ten years, but not something that had just happened? He wished that he could ask someone, like Membrane who actually answered his questions when he asked them, unlike her who used to laugh at him and make some smart remark. But he had found this trail cabin that no one occupied to wait at. To reach Membrane's northern recluse, Dib would have to come this way.

_-_

_Left me here alone  
And I should have stayed home  
After 10 cups of coffee I'm thinking  
(where'd you go?)  
-_

But he hadn't. The rain continued as Zim stayed put, living only on the supply of coffee that he had brought. He waited and waited. Maybe he was giving the Dib too much credit, maybe he was not going to come. But Zim was pretty sure that he would. Dib was finally coming out of the darkness that he had buried himself in and was beginning to think again. He would come soon.

Zim lifted his cup up again to realize that he had finished it already. Grumbling to himself, he went to make his tenth pot of coffee. While the rain just continued to pour, there was nothing else to do.

_-_

_Nobody likes you, everyone left you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you havin' fun  
(where'd you go?)_

_Everyone left you, nobody likes you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you havin' fun  
(where'd you go..go..go..go..)  
-_

"Just like skool Dib," Zim said out loud, as if that would cause Dib to come in the door. "You never could do it right. You would just keep surrounding the problem, as if you confused it you might solve the problem. Well, that won't always work."

He stared at the black depths of his drink. He wondered why he had gone down to do this in the first place. He sure as hell did not owe her anything. She never did anything for him. As he pondered that, Zim found himself slipping back into the black oblivion of sleep.

_-  
Geeze...Ha.._  
-

He snapped awake, looking around to see where he was.

"He's not coming," Zim sighed, trying to figure out what he had done wrong.

-  
**_Part 4: Rock and roll girlfriend_**  
_I got a rock and roll band  
I got a rock and roll life  
I got a rock and roll girlfriend  
And another ex-wife  
I got a rock and roll house  
I got a rock and roll car  
I play the shit out the drums  
And I can play the guitar  
I got a kid in New York  
I got a kid in the bay  
I haven't drank or smoked nothin'  
In over 22 days  
So get off my case  
Off of my case  
Off of my case!_  
-

"What a horrible concept for a show," she muttered, changing the channel. "He drank and smoked his way to death. He'll shoot himself in the head."

-  
**_Part 5: We're coming home again_**  
_Here they come marching down the street  
Like a desperation murmur of a heart beat  
Coming back from the edge of town  
Underneath their feet_

_-_

_Why?_ She held his body, unable to find the power to stop her tears. She did not care that the blood stained her clothes and skin. When Jose said he had found him here, Gretchen had hoped that he had been mistaken. But there was no mistake.

Now, she just sat there, rocking the body back and forth. The others would be coming soon, a quiet mass to a funeral. There had been a few that had decided to take the "easy" way out, but this one was unexpected. He couldn't have been this hurt right in front of her, could he?

_-  
The time has come and it going nowhere  
Nobody ever said that life was fair now  
Go-carts and guns are treasures they will bear  
In the summer heat_

_-_

Damon stood behind her. He had followed her here against her wishes, though she hadn't found the time to tell him not to come. Audry was holding him back, so he could not see the blood very well, but it was not as if anyone could miss it. A head shot did not seem to ever stop bleeding. If Gretchen could think it through, she wouldn't have been able to near the splattered brains on the sidewalk. But she couldn't.

She gripped the cut hair on the ground between her fingers. She had changed nothing. She had promised herself to make a difference, but she had failed. All summer, spring, and winter she had to change his mind and she had failed.

It made her wonder what he would think about this.

_-  
The world is spinning  
Around and around  
Out of control again  
From the 7-11 to the fear of breaking down  
To send my love a letterbomb  
And visit me in hell  
We're the ones going  
-_

It was not the person in question who was watching, but from a distance there he was. The shock of seeing the blood was still on the top of his mind. He had not expected that to be the outcome of his going to the bridge. He had expected to die that day. But seeing his blood had started the world again. No longer did things appear to be standing still. Sure, things seemed to be twirling around a little fast, but that was just to catch up with the time when it was only floating in space. Everything that had come by he had screwed up, but now he understood. He was going to hell for it, for what he had done, for what he was going to do, but not yet.

_-  
Home  
We're coming home again  
Home  
We're coming home again  
-_

He laughed. That had taught him. And now he knew where he was going. He was going home.

_-  
I started fuckin' running  
As soon as my feet touched the ground  
We're back in the Barrio  
But to you and me, that's jingle town  
-_

He did not go down and tell them that they had made a mistake, he left that night. It was best that they thought that way. He went back west, where he knew he had to go. Whether someone found him or not, he did not care.

The buildings were familiar. Not much work had been done here, considering how all of the people who had lived here had fled. There was the occasional worker or two, the people who were fixing the southern part of town. The rubble had been cleared there and the buildings were mostly set up. But as he traveled north, more and more stone and dirt showed. No one had cleared out the worst part of the city yet. He did not care, he was nearly there.

_-  
Home  
We're coming home again  
Home  
We're coming home again  
Home  
We're coming home again  
Home  
We're coming home again_  
-

He stopped in front of the house, the front door the only thing really standing of the front part of the house. Dib stepped through and looked at the remains of his house. No one was there. He had killed Zeph, left Gretchen, and the only place he knew for nothing.

She was not here.

-_Nobody likes you  
Everyone left you  
They're all out without you havin' fun_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Okay, before anyone gets confused, when Dib puts the gun up against "his" black hair and uplls the trigger, his was referring to Zeph. Just for the people who did not understand. One more chapter left! I thank the many people who have read and reviewed, especially my latest ones, K-chan 16 and Dancing Feather._


	13. Whatsername

**"Whatsername"**

**-**  
_Thought I ran into you down on the street  
Then it turned out to only be a dream  
I made a point to burn all of the photographs  
She went away and then I took a different path  
I remember the face but I can't recall the name  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been  
-_

_Why did I come here? I should have known that they wouldn't be here._ Dib cursed himself as he stared at his burnt door. He walked up to it, turning the door handle which still worked. The door and the wall that was still standing did not fall over as he entered through the door. Neither his sister or his dad would be here, he should have known better. The house was still recognizable, he could still tell where the kitchen was, where the stairs were. The upstairs overlapped on the downstairs though, his room was in the kitchen, though not that many of things were in any shape to remember.

In the rubble, there was one thing that was not completely destroyed. He pulled out a photo that he had taken of Zim. She was in the picture, she had just shoved Zim over, causing him to almost loose his wig. He studied the picture, hoping that something there would cause her name to surface in his mind. All he could remember was the one girl from the Hotel calling her... whatsername. He felt tired and irritated that he could not think of the name. It was as if while his memory was coming back, that was the one thing that stayed away.

In the corner of his eye, he swore that he saw movement.

"Zim?" he turned around to face the alien, but no one was there. He did not move, as if silence would cause the movement to return so that he could make sure that he saw it. Nothing did though. He could not believe it, he cut out the drug's hallucinations just to realize that he always had been seeing things. Dib faltered, and sunk down to his knees.

"Where are they?" he asked forlornly, knowing that if he did hear someone respond, he was going crazy. He heard a movement come up behind him, but he did not budge just in case there was no one there.

"Ready to go home now, Dib?" a voice asked him. He turned to see Zim, not in perfect posture as he remembered from when they were kids (for Zim was a child then, despite however old he was in his own society), but slouching as he had when he had last seen him.

He wasn't crazy.

_-  
Seems that she disappeared without a trace  
Did she ever marry old what's his face?  
I made a point to burn all of the photographs  
She went away and then I took a different path  
I remember the face but I can't recall the name  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been  
-_

"Zim, you jerk," Dib smiled, throwing the picture at him. As paper thin as it was, and being paper, the air resistance did not allow it to go that far, just floating down between the two of them. "Don't you ever knock, or just say hello?"

"Waste of Zim's precious time," Zim said. "Better to get right to things. Now, to answer my questions, what took you so long?"

"I had things to fix, loose ends to tie up," Dib shrugged, standing up. "My question now."

"No!" Zim scowled. "You answer my questions first!"

"I already answered one of yours!" Dib exclaimed. "Man Zim, couldn't you try to listen for once?"

"I could, but I don't like to," Zim folded his arms across his chest. "Shoot then."

"Where are they?" Dib asked.

"Who?" Zim asked lightly. Dib frowned. They both knew who he was talking about, Zim was just being difficult with him. Again. Though it annoyed him, inside he was deeply relieved.

"Dad!" Dib replied. "And... her."

Why couldn't he remember?

"Her?" Zim rose an invisible eyebrow. "Who's her?"

"Who's she," Dib automatically corrected. "My sister, Zim."

"Oh, yeah," Zim appeared to pause in thought. "The scary purple haired monster!"

"Watch it," Dib intercepted, while Zim was trying to continue.

"You thought so too," Zim told him. "Hmmm... it's been so long, whatsername?"

"Exactly!" Dib threw his hands up to hit his forehead. "I don't know! I can't go back not knowing her name!"

"You thought you were coming back here, and you still did not know her name," Zim gestured at the remains of the house.

"You realize, you haven't answered my single question, and I've answered every single one of yours," Dib narrowed his eyes.

Zim opened his mouth in mock shock. "Oh no! The balance has been overthrown! What will we do?"

Dib sighed. "Great. A sarcastic alien."

"That and more, Dib," Zim grinned, his sharp teeth still pearl white. Apparently they did not stain like human teeth. "I can show you where your father is, but... oh, whatsername, I don't know where she is."

"Damn it Zim!" Dib clenched his teeth. "You know her name!"

"Ah, but you don't, my little earth monkey!" Zim clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "And what good would it do for me to tell you? What good what it do for you, for me to tell you?"

Dib stared at him blankly. "I would know her name?"

Zim jabbed him with a finger into his chest, he could not reach much higher. "But you do know!"

"But I don't!"

"You LIE!" Zim shouted at him, looking annoyed. He angrily withdrew from Dib and started pacing in the rubble. "Don't you humans have those times where you remember something, it's in your mind, but you just can't get the word on to your tongue?"

"Your point?" Dib said.

Zim stopped in his tracks.

"Maybe if you go see them, you will remember. Answer me this, Dib, are you ready to go home?"

Dib looked at the alien, then back at his ruined house. Was there even a doubt in his mind anymore?

"Yes, Zim, I am ready to go home."

_-  
Remember, whatever  
It seems like forever ago  
Remember, whatever  
It seems like forever ago_

_-_

Watching Zim act without help from his pak or any alien weaponry, Dib was reminded deeply of a prey animal. Zim even nearly growled as the group passed them by, oblivious that they were being watched. Zim did not seem to care if they passed by a group, but Dib didn't want anyone to see them. Zim argued for a bit, then acquiesced and they hid on the side of the mountain road. Dib wondered whether Zim had been lying about that, for he seemed very hostile towards the humans, almost as if the group did notice them, he would attack.

Dib breathed a sigh of relief when the group was out of sight. "Zim, I said I didn't want to be noticed by them, it didn't mean I wanted you to kill them if they saw us."

Zim's hood finally came down, being moved by his antennae while in his angered state. "Make up your mind Dib-beast."

Dib smirked. "Whatever happened to just Dib?"

Zim glared. "Shut up! I'm working on it!"

Dib shook his head, smiling. He looked down in the direction that they had come, the direction that the group had gone in. "Anyways, I thought you said the only thing up here was Dad's new lab."

"It is," Zim huffed. "Those were some of his scientists. Down the road a ways, is their transport, but no one is allowed to bring up vehicles this far up the mountain." Zim shivered again, but this time from cold. It was late fall, and it had been raining a lot farther south, but here it was drier, but still cold.

"That means, we aren't far then?" Dib asked Zim.

"Yes," Zim nodded. "That's exactly what it means."

_-  
The regrets are useless  
In my mind  
She's in my head  
I must confess  
The regrets are useless  
In my mind  
She's in my head  
From so long ago_

_-_

He told Dib to wait in the front while he got him clearance to enter the higher levels and see Membrane. Zim thought he should be feeling more relaxed now, he did what he promised he was going to, but he still felt tense. If she was here and Dib didn't remember her name...

"Zim!"

Zim froze at his name. He turned around slowly to face her as she ran over to him and held his shoulders.

"Is he here?" she looked frantic. "Tell me Zim, did you bring him?"

"Calm down," Zim tried to regain some of his old composure. "Yes, I promised I would. He's in the front. I-"

He was cut off short by the air escaping his lungs as she hugged him. Feeling somewhat awkward in the situation, he slowly hugged her back.

"Thank you, thank you," she whispered into his antennae.

Zim didn't trust himself to say that much more at this point of her invulnerability.

"Just go see him," he told her, pulling away from his light part in the hug and pushing her in the direction. To him, it didn't even seem as if she was following his order, as if it were her own idea, as she fled down the hall. He shook his head, trying to shake the smile smile he had off his face as he went to go get the Dib's clearance. Not that it would be needed anymore.

_-  
(Go, Go, Go, Go..)  
-_

She stopped right in front of the door, catching her breath. She regained her composure quickly. It never occurred to her that Zim was pulling her leg. By now, she knew that he wouldn't do that. As he said, he would be right out there, waiting for his clearance to get in. She would be his clearance, no one could stop her. She put her emotions in check as she opened the door.

"Dib?"

_-  
And in the darkest night  
If my memory serves me right  
I'll never turn back time  
Forgetting you, but not the time_

_-_

He looked over to see... her._ What is her name?_ Just as Zim said, it was right under the surface. She walked over to him in no big hurry. He wouldn't be surprised if Gaz beat him up for everything he put her through.

His mind paused in mid-thought.

_Gaz._

"Hey Gaz," he gave a small smile. She walked straight up to him, looking up at him.

"You finally decided to follow," she said emotionless.

Dib sighed, he should have known better then to hope that she might have just been glad to see him.

"Sorry it took me so long to grow up," he told her.

She just continued to look at him. Then, slowly, Gaz's face slowly turned into a smile.

"Thank god," she said. "It did take you long enough."

"Stupid teenage hormones," Dib laughed, shaking his head. "I don't suppose you'll ever forgive me for it."

"I might," she replied. "We both have done things we've regretted, might as well try to fix that now."

Dib shook his head. "There is no way I'll ever fix that. I'll never forgive myself either."

"It's in the past," Gaz crossed her arms. "Whether you've forgiven yourself or not, you have to get over it."

Dib looked his sister over. She was willing to accept him back. He worried for nothing.

He could be part of a family again.

"Yeah, I suppose I do," he ruffled her hair.

Gaz scowled. "Just because I'm not going to kill you doesn't mean you get away with things like that."

"Sure, I'll try to remember," he grinned.

Gaz closed her eyes, giving him a hug. "Don't get used to these either."

"That doesn't matter," Dib hugged her back, a tear falling down his face. "You've just allowed me to come home."

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And it is over. I thank the people who have read this story, those who have commented, and those who have put me on favourites, Dancing Feather, Dark enchanter, DarkNeth, and K-chan 16. It was fun, but now it is time to give Dib other troubles that he isn't stupid enough to put himself in. Again, I apologize to Jhonen Vasquez, for doing this to his characters, when it obviously would never happen. But hey, obviously some people enjoyed it!


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Gretchen smiled as she watched the kids run off down the hill. She no longer had to worry about them, the town finally safe enough to let them. She could finally relax and think.

Sometimes, she wished that she had a child of her own.

Someone scuffed the ground behind her. She turned to see one of the most familiar faces from these parts.

"Sara!" she smiled at the other girl as Sara came up beside her. Sara gave Gretchen a slight nod as she also gazed at the children playing in the field. "How are things going?"

"I thought you might want to know that the Kelsh's are moving into town," Sara mentioned, continuing to watch. "Gerald has a job enough to support the family and with the extra money Kayla's brining in for them, he wants the Mark and Ed to go into a public school."

"About time," Gretchen breathed a sigh of relief. "He's been heading at that for a while! I can't say that I am a very good teacher, considering I didn't even finish Hi Skool."

"You're better then Jose," Sara finally turned towards her. "The kids like him, but he sucks at getting anything done. They're having so much fun, he never gets to the next thing."

"Don't speak about your boyfriend that way," Gretchen grinned. "I'll bet he doesn't appreciate it."

"We broke up last week," Sara said nonchalantly. Gretchen's smile faded.

"I'm sorry," Gretchen apologized.

"It's nothing," Sara shrugged.

".. If you don't mind me asking..." Gretchen trailed off.

"You want to know why we broke up?" Sara guessed.

"Well, yes," Gretchen nodded, knowing it was none of her business. "I mean, I thought you two were doing so well together!"

"We were," agreed Sara. "But..."

"Is there another guy?" Gretchen bit her lips before continuing. "Or did he find a-"

"There's just someone that I can't forget."

Sara averted her gaze from Gretchen. Gretchen stayed quiet, not sure exactly how to console her, when the words that came to mind bit deep in her heart.

"There's someone you can't forget either," Sara continued. "Someone you've had a crush on for too long now."

Any time was long after death.

"Don't tell me to forget him Sara," Gretchen spoke softly, remembering him. The black hair. The glasses.

So broken.

"I'm not," Sara rose an eyebrow. "And I know it hurts."

"You don't get it!" Gretchen turned from Sara, trying to keep back every sharp comment that rose to her tongue. "He tricked me! And he killed him! But I still can't get him out of my mind!"

Black hair littering the ground. Glasses shattered and pieces strewn. Body broken.

Death was more then frightening.

"I do understand."

"No, you don't!" Gretchen shook her head, remembering that time so long ago. She expected Sara to try, but she knew there was no way that she could understand. She had loved him too long, too much. She paused, regaining her composure. "I'm sorry."

"But still you stay."

"I don't want to leave!" Gretchen turned back to Sara, to stare at the brim of her hat covering her face. "This place, these people mean to much to me." She stopped, noticing Sara shift the back pack strap across her shoulder.

"I'm leaving the Hotel Gretchen," Sara lifted her head up.

Gretchen felt cold. Words all too familiar rushed through her ears. The hurt came back again.

"Why?" she heard herself ask.

"The person I can't forget," Sara sighed as she stared off towards the rising sun, "I need to find him."

Realization struck through Gretchen.

"You love him too."

"Maybe," Sara shrugged. "But I'll never find out here. I can't stay here."

"I understand." It was the only thing that she could say.

"Thanks Gretchen," Sara gave her a smile. "I will stay in touch."

"Will you tell me... if you find him?"

Sara nodded and turned away. She walked down the street and never once looked back towards the rising Sun, or the Hotel. Gretchen watched Sara's retreating back until a corner was turned and she was gone.

One dead. One alive.

At least Sara was not in love with the dead one as well.

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_Who do they think died?_


End file.
